Twice blessed....

For those of you reading these daily posts and who also follow me on Twitter, you may have heard me talk about my Mom. Some of you may also be slightly confused as my Mom passed away in 1990. In 1991 my Dad remarried. Didn't know it then, but this woman would end up being my saving grace in so many ways. While technically she is my Stepmom she has never been that in my heart. She is and will always be Mom. She has now been in my life longer than my real Mom was.

I have been at war with myself. We've well established that. For me, the only way for me to go....is through. That's how I've always been. It may be muggy for a while as I process things and turn things around and over in my head, but eventually I flip a switch, knock back into my heart and off I go. That's where I am now. Moving forward through my heart. And all it took was one email from my Mom to fill it up and send me moving again.

There are some who, if told, "You can't do that." They respond with a "Oh yeah, watch me." My daughter is that way. Ever since she was little the quickest way to get her to do something was tell her she can't do it.

Then, there are others who need the opposite kind of encouragement. "You CAN do it!" They respond with a "Are you sure? You really think so? OK!" That's my son.

I am somewhere in between. Some things make me say, " Wanna bet? Watch me." Then there are other things that make me say, " I don't think that's possible. Too many things working against me to try."

The following is the email convo I had with my Mom today. She still hasn't come home after walking out on my Dad on Monday. They're pulling a Ross and Rachel. "We were ON A BREAK!" lol Her response is why she is so AMAZING and how easily she can make everything OK. (Blue is her favorite color so she always responds in blue. )

From: Schuler, Jenny
Subject: how you doin'?
To: Ann Marie
Date: Wednesday, July 6, 2011, 2:48 PM

From: Ann Marie Thomas
Sent: Wednesday, July 06, 2011 3:01 PM
To: Schuler, Jenny J
Subject: Re: how you doin'?

Well other than being broke and feeling like an utter failure in the parenting department, I'm golden. My resume is now being revamped by my friend Jenn in NYC. I'm fairly certain the fact that it sucks is why I can't even get an interview anywhere. I have a blog, but just this week I decided to write everyday. Last night's entry was about the trip Theresa and I took to Boston with Dad. It made me realize even more than I did before that I have always been a big city East Coast girl. So, as terrifed as I am, I'm continuing to look out there for work. I have no idea what I'm gonna do if I find something, but they always say you miss a hundred percent of the shots you don't take. Part of me, is afraid that I won't find something here OR there, but my heart and gut tell me that's where I'm supposed to be. If I keep ignoring my heart like I have for the last, oh I don't know 15 years or so, I'm never gonna get to where I'm meant to be. And I don't just mean location. Does that make any sense? It's Mel's bday today, so Jen and I took her to Mama Laconas last night. It was fun. Haven't said a whole lot to Dad. How are you? Wednesday, July 6, 2011 3:32 PM From: "Schuler, Jenny" To: "'Ann Marie Thomas'" You’ve always been an East Coaster, I saw that when you were 16, you just didn’t have the “life” experience to survive there, then. NOW YOU DO!!! So go for it!!!!! When you find something if I can help figure out the details with you, I will!! Being broke, hey it’s easier to balance your check book! This comes and goes, don’t beat yourself up. And Parenting….the word failure was invented so we could describe how we feel sometimes, but this too, passes and somehow they still love ya!!! J I’m fine, actually kind of enjoying the “break”. If I didn’t live just two blocks from Mom it wouldn’t even look weird, so my story is I’m there for a visit and I’m sticking with it!! When I do come home, and I will, the first Sunday family dinner will be a BD party for Mel, my other daughter. See you can feel like a failure as a parent and then all of a sudden everyone wants to be your kid…go figure!! Now, stop picking on yourself, and go dance in the yard!!!!!!! Love ya Momma So.......NYC it is! :) Am I scared? Damn straight. Will it stop me? Not this time. In my life to have two amazing women I could call Mom and for another chance at making a long lost dream a reality? Twice blessed indeed. I don't know where it will take me, but It's gonna be one helluva a story one day. ;)