Pigeons-1 Cholos-0....

So the part timer who closed with me tonight had on cholo socks. *raising eyebrow* I frakkin hate cholos. In fact I would take pigeons over cholos, and we all know how I feel about pigeons. For those who don't, here's why.

During our lovely trip to Chi for Rock the Block 2, Mel and I decide to eat downtown at Johnny Rockets. We grab our food and sit outside in this little courtyard in the middle of the street. Well, Mel sees a pigeon. She decides to feed the pigeon. Pretty soon there are a few more pigeons that have flown in to see what's what. Then Mel falls in love with one of the pigeons. Even goes so far as to name this pigeon. She named it Millie. Then the pigeons fly away and Mel is sad. Sensing her sadness, Millie comes back. Thinking this is a sign, Mel decides she wants to take one home. So we're sitting there, in downtown Chicago actually discussing how to get this rat with wings home. "But she's prancing for me!" Mel says.

I am less than thrilled

I, at this point in the conversation, have dubbed Mel "The Bird Lady" as I tell her the only way that thing is coming home with us is if we strap it to the roof. She didn't think that was very nice. I thought it was *very* nice, seein as how I'd like to stay in relatively good health. We then look across the street and perched on a sign were, what I like to refer to as, a 'gang' of pigeons. They did not look happy.

Meanwhile, back at the Batcave, Bird Lady seems to think that lil ol' Millie is lonely so she starts to feed her...him....it....whatever. I protest, "I don't think that's a good idea" Mel says, "Why? What's the harm? It's just a couple of..." She throws the food and the 'gang' decends upon us like a scene from Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds. Mel's laughing and STILL FRAKKIN TOSSING THEM FOOD!

Ever since then there's this running joke that the pigeons are out to get me. Perhaps to peck my eyes out, or perhaps to try and seduce me into taking them home with me. And they FIND me! I don't know how but every trip Mel and I have been on since, there's a picture of me in close proximity to a frakkin pigeon! I'm on to your wily ways pigeons of the world.

I'm working on putting together a trip to Italy for BH's. It's going to be an eating/cooking tour. I wanna make this thing EPIC! Get as many BH's to travel to Italy as a group. How much FUN would that be to go to different places in Italy and cook and eat and laugh and love? You watch....those frakkin things will find me *there* too!

I gots mah burger from Johnny Rockets

And I got Millie. *blank stare*

NYC in January of 2011

"Mel, why are you taking my picture as I'm tweeting? Wait. There's a frakkin pigeon isn't there?!"

 (Mel's giggling) "Maybe." She says.

Really?! Effin really?! South Beach?! Frakkin pigeons followed me to Miami!

(Mel's rollng with laughter) "Yup" she says.

It's conspiracy I tell ya. It's like when someone who doesn't like cats and is around cats, the cats naturally go to the person that hates cats in an effort to try and get them pet them and love them. I'm sorry but I don't foresee a love affair with pigeons anytime soon. 

ANYWAY....back to cholos. I don't like cholos, because they make Wahlberg look like a little old man with a circulation issue. 

But I'd still take the frakkin pigeons over the cholos.





Tutus and toe shoes...

After the day I had yesterday it was nice to have a day with less stress. Not 'no stress'. Just less. Spent the morning and part of the afternoon with my kids, before Handsome went to his dad's and Rabbit went across the street to a friend's house for the night.

Me? I spent a while getting lost in a couple of movies and a little while researching music. I watched Serendipity. I love that movie because the female lead, played by Kate Beckinsale, and I share a similar view. I believe that everything happens for a reason. EVERYTHING. I believe that while we have the freedom to choose and make decisions, there are in fact various signs in our lives that guide us on our way.

I believe that Mel and I are friends because of this very reason. We met because both our Mother's died and we were both misfits. (See: http://melaniehenryonline.com/component/content/article/1-main-blog/87-what-she-deserves.html ) She is an empath. She doesn't advertise this, but she is. So my belief in sign doesn't really phase her. lol On our 52 block walk on the streets of NYC were filled with them, each one pointing me in the right direction. She knows what those signs were, and they were right. :)

The music I was researching is for a piece I was hired to choreograph and teach for another H.S. dance team. Having issues picking out the right song, but I'll find it. I don't have to teach until the 27th of August, so there's no need to rush into anything just to get it done. I don't work that way. I'm a perfectionist. But only when it comes to my work. I just want it to be perfect to *me*. I don't do anything half assed.

Choreographing for a dance team is much different than choreographing a 'performance' piece. There are certain rules I have to follow for a dance team piece based on what competition they're participating in. If they're allowed to do any acro, the use and placement of props, how long the piece can be, lines, spacing, sharpness and precision of movement, etc...

A 'performance' piece has no limits. I like to work on both for various reasons. I like to choreograph for dance teams because I like the discipline it instills in dancers. I like to choreograph 'performance' pieces and combos for workshops because I like when I have free creative reign. I feel my best work comes out when I'm allowed the freedom to create.  I'm a bit of a rule breaker about certain things.

One of my favorite things to choreograph and kind of what I'm known for is choreographing a Classical Ballet piece to non traditional Classical Ballet music. A few of my favorite pieces I've done are to the songs Money Makes the World Go Round, Show Me the Money, and Love Lockdown. Each dancer in tutus, toes shoes and all.  I am grounded in Ballet but the Hip Hop dancer in me doesn't always like classical music. So I like to meld the two worlds. In order to do that though, you have to feel the music in a way most people can't even hear. It's fun to listen to a song and pull out the strings while everyone else pays attention to the drums, and the bass. It's even more fun when you can pick out all the instruments at different moments in the song.

Think toe shoes and tutus and then listen to this song with my ears. :)  http://youtu.be/wTMbkYW2Uno


P.s.- Channing Tatum? Wooooosaaaahhhhh. Proof that there are fine men who know how to dance. #justsayin

Zen...

There are some days when I go about my business. I get up, get my coffee, tell my kids good morning, if they're awake, go to my desk, check emails and twitter. Get in the shower and go to work. If I don't work until the afternoon I do similar things, but run any errands I need to, maybe take the kids to breakfast, or dance around the house with my daughter.

Then there are days when I get up and start out doing that, then all of a sudden I get slapped in the face by the realization that I was married to a bully whose only goal in life, it would appear, is to make my life infinitely hard. It's like running at a leisurely pace then unknowingly slamming into a set of tackling sled dummies, only the dude standing on the sled is a big fat doodoo head and you can't shake him off the damn thing no matter how hard you push it across the field.

I spent a ridiculously stupid amount of time wasted on pretending to be someone I was not. Believing that I was not worth the dreams I had. Believing that in order to be loved I had to make sure I was what he wanted me to be. Let me ask you this. Do I *look* like I shop at Eddie Bauer?! How about Columbia or Timberland? Does anything about me scream, "Hey, I'd like to wear a pair of Teva hiking sandals today?"

No.

And yet for some reason this man I was married to seemed to think I did. If you have never been in an emotionally abusive relationship then you will not understand. At all. You will not be able to comprehend the level of fear. Abuse comes in all forms and it's not just physical. I swore that I would never let any man lay a hand on me after what happened to my Mother.

I almost made it.

I met a guy when I was 19 yrs old. He was 27. After my "Pro Athlete" dating fiasco (Oy! There's a story for another time and place) and before my ex husband. Anyway, this guy and I started dating. He had this great house out in the country and looking back I'm sure part of me was 'playing house'. I was too young to really know...well...anything. lol I used to have long naturally curly hair. It came down to my waist. Long story short, one moment I was jogging up the stairs and the next he was coming up the stairs behind me, grabbing a handful of my hair, yanking me backwards and dragging me back down. The pain in my head and back were... *heavy sigh*. He had asked me a question and apparently the answer I gave was the 'wrong' one. Now, this is where you might say to yourself, "Why the hell wouldn't you have just fought back?" Number one, he had leverage, momentum and distance. And two....he had a gun. Did I mention he was a cop and was just getting off duty? Still in uniform, gun in holster.

Was I smart enough to leave him? Nope.

Words. He was always good with words. I did leave him not too much longer after that though, when I walked into the house on his birthday to find him standing in the kitchen enjoying a glass of wine with some woman I had kinda recognized. She was a nurse who worked in a hospital that he sometimes went to if necessary to take statements from victims who’d been taken there. The prick had the nerve to introduce me! I stood there in silence looked from him to her and back, walked slowly over to her and dropped my house key into her glass of wine. I said, "He's all yours." Turned and walked out. Done.

The man I married never laid a hand on me, so I guess I thought I had it made. SMH

His tactic was mental and emotional abuse. Control through fear. I will not get into nor bore you with details of how he achieved this. Just remember that phrase. Control through fear. He is still trying to use this tactic even now, a year after the divorce. The only communication that I’m legally required to have with him is about the kids - their immediate safety and visitation. That's it. Unfortunately, he’s under the impression that because I’m the mother to his children, I’m still required to report to him about what I do, think and feel, where I go and when I’m not going to be home. (Clearly, he doesn’t understand what his signature on the divorce decree really means.) It would be grand if I never saw him again, but there will always be school functions where the kids are concerned. I digress.

Instead of live-and-let-live, however, I’ve gotten two random harassing texts from him in the last two days that have nothing to do with either the immediate safety of my children nor about visitation. They were instead filled with hatred and insults - typical. I was so upset after the one this morning I was shaking. I do not have to tell you the level of pissed Mel was/is at him.

Then tonight at work we're closing up, the crew I had closing with me, and myself were dancing and singing and having a great time. First we took it to Church with a little Kirk Franklin then we smoothed it out with Ne-Yo. I needed that. I went into the back room to grab my phone and check to see if my kids had texted needing anything. Nope. What I found instead was a hate text from my ex’s best friend whom I haven't even spoken to since last year (the last time he harassed me via text). WTF?!!!

This is my life.

I'm just trying to live. Trying to provide and be a good Mom. Trying to make something of myself. The thing I don’t understand is what the hell my ex wants from me. He bitched when I worked three jobs because I wasn’t there for the kids. He bitched when I didn’t work, claiming I used the kids child support for my own personal gain. Now that I’m working again, he’s bitching again, claiming I’m neglecting my kids. Where does it end? It doesn’t. This is who he is. This is what I’ve dealt with for over fifteen years – nothing I do is good enough for him. Not even now, when legally and technically, it’s not his business what I do. He’s moved on, supposedly. He’s living with a woman now that he’s been seeing since shortly after our separation last summer. One would think that I should be a blip on his radar, not his primary focus. Is his life so empty that making mine hell is his main priority? If that’s the case, I pity his girlfriend.

As it is, he stalks me in Twitter. That's fun. He doesn't actually have an account. He just likes to spy on my timeline. He even has someone who works with him spy on Mel's and reports back to him. Wanna know how I know? Because my kids told me. Wanna know why? Because we have a great relationship and they found it odd. Ya think?!

His hateful words and assumptions about my character are just proof to me that he has no clue about who I am. Even further proof that he never did. I don't lie. The things I say on Twitter and here, are not lies. They are me. They are MY thoughts, feelings and experiences. MINE. For over fifteen years, I tried to be someone I wasn't because when you live with someone who thinks you're never good enough, you'll stoop to whatever it takes to get his approval -- approval you'll never have. So if there was ever a lie, it was that I wasn’t really who he wanted me to be. That is a hard pill to swallow I'm sure and would probably explain quite a bit of why he still spends so much time thinking about me when he’s supposed to be in love with someone else.

What my ex thinks of me is irrelevant, but to think of the pain he's causing my kids because of his bitterness and anger over the divorce is what hurts. THEY are the victims here. I'm immune to his words after this long, but they're not. Their 12 and 10 year old hearts still want to believe their dad can do no wrong. Someday, they'll see on their own what kind of person he is and what kind of husband he was to me -- not because I tell them (I value their hearts more than that), but because a leopard can only hide his spots for so long. My kids are smart and they're tenderhearted and they. see. everything. They. Hear. EVERYTHING. It hurts me to think that they'll see what he's truly like, but all I can do is be loving and tell them about the good times we had once. I’ll be genuine with them, as I always have. But I will no longer be afraid. Fear doesn’t control my life anymore.

It's amazing what happens when you are no longer afraid to be yourself.

I ended my day, with a talk with my bestie, OK...more like my bestie getting increasingly agitated at the situation, but she knows. She knows what it was like for me. She knows what I've been through, so it stands to reason. When my head is heavy and my heart is weary, she's swingin like a champ for me til I can find my legs again. I got kisses and hugs from my kids.......and then crawled into bed to have the best sound in my ears, from the one voice that washes over me like warm bath water soothing away any words of hate that were thrown at me today. He may not have been talking directly to me, but it don't matter, the end result was the same. I had a moment of complete Zen. :)

P.s- Tonight's interview is my favorite interview EVER. For cereal.......ever. It just is.

Rock the Block....

Last October Mel and I went to Chicago for Rock the Block 2. (as noted in the post What Two Fights in Twenty Years Taught Me) Our girls Tracy and Dawn L flew in to join in the festivities and it was the first time I got to squeeze them in person. It was also the first time I got to squeeze our friend Tara. These girls are now a part of my world and I LOVE them fiercely.

I had a chance to connect with some amazing people that night! I got my "wings" so to speak and was enfolded into the amazing group known affectionately as The Supanesters. We had an AMAZING night on the dance floor. Killin it on the tables was...yup... our beloved DJ Cheapshot!  That was the night the guys all flew out to Donnie who was working on Season 1 of Blue Bloods. Season 2 has already begun shooting (CRAZY! I'm so excited and Proud!) and they're still on tour. How's he managing all that? The way only *that* man can. I have one word for him....Amazing. They  had a "meeting" so they couldn't be there but, we streamed live. Pretty sure the fellas were with us. Well one for sure anyway. ;)

This event was put in place to raise money for Susan G. Komen. This year there are 2 additional Rock the Block dates and cities added. Miami, LA and ChiTown. I believe the Susan G. Komen event will be in Miami. The other two charities have yet to be determined. Although I just suggested the PKD Foundation for Chicago's event. The search for living donors is never ending. This disease does not have a cure. They could use the recognition and the funding.

Mel and I won't be in Miami for this event. Mel hates Miami. And we most likely won't make it to L.A. either. Mel doesn't like L.A.. lol Although it has been decided that she hates Miami even more than L.A. which bodes well for me since I need to get my ass out there and into a class or two. Particularly Chuck Maldonado's class. Perhaps raid his pool while there as well. Yes, we were invited...as far as you and the police know....*side eye* ;P of course I would much rather raid someone elses pool. *raising eyebrow* I promise to get rid of those atrocious blue curtains in the kitchen. :)

Here are some of my favorite pics from that night....Enjoy! And if you're on Twitter, go to RocktheBlock3 and suggest PKD Foundation for a charity. My kidneys thank you. :)

Me and Tracy aka @TwistedMacSista

Me and Dawn L aka @Dashabbfan

@Mandacrow (Manda) @OUBad (Mel) @Dashabbfan (Dawn L),  Me, @SweaterMonkeyGal (Tara)

Me and Mel tandem tweeting. lol

Me and @Kdubtheblock I squeezed the shit outta him. Just ask him. P.s.- I want your hats. lol

SUPANESTERS!!!!

And we danced, and we danced, and we danced......and we're STILL dancin. :)

See you in Chicago for Rock the Block 3!!!!

So Much Betta...

The Fall after I moved back home from the Twin Cities I was asked to be on the judges panel for Iowa's Got Talent. It was there that I met Tanya Ogden. She owns Dance FX, a dance studio here in Des Moines. At the time she was VERY pregnant. We hit it off because neither one of us believes in studio competition. We both share the philosophy that as teachers we should be able to work as a whole. To bounce ideas off of each other and help each other. I'm not particularly fond of studios whose main focus is to drive their students into the ground by working them til their dead for a ribbon or a plaque that collects dust.

Don't get me wrong, I believe in healthy competition. Some of these studios take it way too far. Just watch the reality show Dance Moms. I've heard there are some pretty bad teachers on there. I have a thing about "Reality TV"so I haven't watched it. It's not that I think "Reality TV" is bad per say, but I just get so embarrassed for people sometimes. I feel bad for them you know? Anyway, Tanya and I had fun judging the competition that night and remained in contact.

Her studio is where I taught my Let's Go Higher routine. She danced as well as some of her students. It was an Intermediate Hip Hop routine that I wanted to be easy enough for BH's to do if they wanted. By no means was that piece "performance" level.

Let's Go Higher Intermediate Class (Tanya's in pink)

Today I get a random text from Tanya. She wanted my advice on something and asked a great question!

T: By any chance would you be available to judge my team auditions this Sun? I know it's late notice and understand if not. They are at noon and will last over an hour. Would love to have you!

Me: Let me check with work and get back to you. Can I let you know tomorrow?

T: Sure thing! Thanks! Quick ? About choreography. when you first began to choreograph or even still, did/do you check yourself on implementing specific choreography elements such as time, space, form (like AB, ABA)? I'm teaching a beginning class in creating choreo this summer and havin a lil trouble with them understanding elements.

Me: Hmmm. Kind of. For me, when I choreograph, it's always changing even as I teach it. What you envision can't always be carried out. I always leave room to change things that don't look or feel right. I have certain space elements in my head but they rarely stay the same. When I give a class on choreography techniques it's important to me to get across the fluidity of transitions. That, more than anything can make or break a piece for me. I think that helps with space and time as well.

T: So how do you explain transitioning to kids though? LOL Sorry, that's a big question for texting I suppose.

Me: No worries! Happy to help. I usually tell kids to think of it as creating a wave in water. The ripples flow one right into the other until it gently fades. OR...like connect the dots. Each movement connects to the other with no break in the lines until the picture is complete. Then I have them actually do a connect the dots worksheet to see what I mean.

T: Ooh great analogy!! Yay! I may try that tonight! There are are 7 girls in class, experience levels vary from beg to advanced. End result is them performing a self choreographed piece at our fair show. Have been trying to decide how to work that but you just helped me1 I may have each do their own combo and connect to each others. which would really cause them to think! Thank You!

Me: That would be cool! You're welcome! Anytime!

She then asked if I would come teach a Contemporary workshop and what I charge. Then asked if I would also be interested in guest teaching a Contemporary class this Fall. SO excited about this!! You don't even know! lol It was so good to "talk shop" with someone today. I don't get to do that very often and I miss it.

 For those who are wondering, this is what one of my performance/competition pieces look like depending on the job.  http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/video/video.php?v=1188088060634

And this is what one looks like during my process of teaching one:

Life is So Much Betta when I'm dancing. So, so, SO much betta. :)



Inspiration in it's Many Forms...

I am often asked, "What inspires you to do what you do?" I usually answer the question with a question. "Well, that depends on what 'do' you're referring to." They then often say, "Well, all of it."

When it comes to dance, I find inspiration in other dancers. Watching amazing dancers move, moves me. All forms of dance. Music flows through my veins like water and in turn inspires me to create movement that is just as fluid.  Not always fluid though. I LOVE a good drum beat. The second I hear it, I'm in my head tappin. Mel laughs when I do that, because I vocalize the rhythm I hear. When I teach a Hip Hop class, you most likely will not hear me teach with counts. I teach with sound effects. I teach everything else with counts though.

When it comes to life...well...I could go on for days. My children inspire me to try to see things simply. To question everything so we can learn. I believe we are all here to learn from each other. It's one of the main reasons I teach to begin with. To share what I have learned over the years. When one learns, one must then teach. We are all teachers of one kind or another.

My Mom inspires me to do the things that make me happy. She believes in me fiercely and has one of the BEST dispositions on the planet. She's always the one in my corner saying, "Why not? Do it!" It helps me to keep moving forward. To do my best to stay in the moment.

My bestie, Mel, inspires me to stay away from any sort of comfort zone. Her belief in me is unmatched.  Her humor and wit are a snarky force to be reckoned with. She has often said that I am the yin to her yang. That, my friends, is truth. She has been there for me during some of the darkest moments of my life and has come through the other side with me to help me shine my light. She recently said to me, " You shouldn't have to fight anymore. I have watched you fight for SO long. You deserve so much more!" No one knows my heart better than that woman and I thank God every day for her. 

Then there is the one who is pure of heart, off the charts generosity, never ending energy, smile that lights my world, eyes that go straight to my heart and a mind that I so supremely admire and respect. His passion, and zest for life, inspires me to rise every morning and try again. Is he perfect? Nope. He's just a dude. But his LOVE is perfect and I am thankful he is in my world.

Basically, I am inspired by anything creative I can get my hands on. I sing, I dance, I act, I draw, I cook, etc...I had a gal ask me the other day on Twitter after reading my bio, "Damn woman! Is there anything you can't do?" To which I replied.......... "Yup! I can't whistle." :)

On Broadway...

The first time I went to NYC was the Summer of 2007. Driving in NYC for mere moments when I was a teenager doesn't count (See: Farfegnugen, Kitaro and the Moment I Fell in Love with Boston). I was living in the Twin Cities at the time. Teaching dance. Happy in that respect. The studio director and I took two of our assistant teachers with us to The Pulse Teacher's Workshop that Summer. One of our assistant's Dad works for BBDO and he has an apartment in Chelsea that we stayed at. First we were in Vegas for the Dance America dance Nationals. My first Hip Hop duet, (song was Doesn't Really Matter- Janet Jackson)  ended up qualifying at regionals. Took 2nd place at Nationals. Skylar, the other assistant was my first solo I choreographed for the studio. It was a Jazz piece to Rob Thomas' This is How a Heart Breaks. He took 1st. I was so proud of them!

Stretching Sky before he danced. He also won Miss Congeniality! :)

My Hip Hop duet. I made their costumes. Including hand painting the graffiti on the tank tops. Those bricks took FOREVER!

When we got to NYC, I knew I'd love it there. If I had to explain to someone why the city has such a strong pull for me, I guess the easiest response I can give is.....I'm in love with the heartbeat of NY. The creative energy, the second you step off the plane, is palpable.

We stayed almost a week that time. I remember dancing all day. Being taught by my favorite choreographers in my favorite city was nothing short of AMAZING. I went to my first Broadway show and we saw my favorite musical....Chicago. Lisa Rinna was Roxy Hart. It was during the day and according to the director of the studio, was "the worst production I've seen". Are you kidding? I'm in NYC, watching my favorite musical on Broadway. I was so freakin happy I just sat and cried half way through it.

Part of that was the blinding realization that no matter how much I wanted to stay, I would actually have to go back home. I didn't want to go back to that. I dreaded going home. I missed my kids, but my stomach tied itself in knots with the thought of having to go back to a miserable marriage. I remember standing in FAO Shwartz, holding the two puppets I was buying for my kids, and telling my friend that I was gonna go home and leave my husband. She stood there for a moment, then put the stuffed animals she was holding down, hugged me and told me that she was proud of me. We stood in the store and I cried (I went home, moved out, and moved in with my friend. That would be my first attempt to break free. July 2007).

The last night we were there, there was a charity gala event for The Pulse, so we got all dolled up and went. Great performances we witnessed that night. Then, we decided not to waste our dresses. So we went to Magnolia's on Bleeker, then walked a block til we found a little park. My first Magnolia's cupcake *sigh* was enjoyed in a little park at 11:30p.m. in my little black dress and kick ass heels. It was a very SATC moment for us.

Mmmmmm....Magnolia's. I had a pink streak in my hair that Summer. Pissed him off. I'm such a rebel. lol

One of my favorite memories about that trip though, was one rainy morning before we went to class, while I waited for everyone to wake up, I sat in the window of the fire escape and just watched the city as it came to life. It was so perfect. If you have read my blogs up until this point or are a part of my life, you'll know how much I love a quiet Summer rain. Another perfect moment for a perfect memory.

My view while sitting on the fire escape. Perfection.

I've been back a couple of times since then, each trip better than the last,  and am trying to get there permanently. It will be a fight. I'm ready for it. It's a good thing it isn't just up to him anymore. I took the dream off the shelf and dusted it off, so now it shines like a new penny. :)  They say life begins at the end of your comfort zone. I stepped out of my comfort zone a year ago, and I have no intention of going back.

Forward I dance, to whatever beat drops in my head at any given moment. Yo DJ! Drop, drop, drop it on the one...

Somewhere Near the Corner of LOVE and Happiness...

Long day of work today, but I'm grateful for the work. I came home, did a little laundry, threw on my grey capri sweats. I wore them on PJ/Toga night on the cruise. They're comfy and they make me happy. I chose not to wear a toga that night for the simple fact that togas are not conducive to bustin' a move on the dance floor. Granted they *are* conducive to certain views of certain things that.....I'mma need a minute.

Where was I? Oh yes, my night. I then steamed some jasmine rice (my favorite), made some ramen, copped a squat on the couch to watched The Adjustment Bureau with Mom. I LOVE this movie. It's a movie about fate, and chance, and the choices we make when we happen to have these things move us around like pawns in a game of chess. Or checkers. Or...I dunno.  I'll stick with what I know. GO FISH! Or Crazy 8's. I love that card game. Although....TOTALLY off track. My bad.

When we first moved back to DSM from the Twin Cities, my "plan" was to open a dance studio here and put down roots, back in the city I grew up in. I started volunteering in the elementary and middle schools around the city and going in during PE classes and teaching Hip Hop during their dance units. It has always been important for me to get dance to those who have a certain stereotype of what dance is. To teach those who otherwise wouldn't have an opportunity to take an actual class because their parents can't afford the expense. And to also teach those who may not have parents that will allow them to take actual lessons, for fear of what others may think of them or their kid(s). I'm talking primarily about boys.

My kids both took dance when I was the Assistant Director of Hudson Dance Academy. My son was the only boy for a while. We had a conversation about it. He once said, "Mom, the boys at school tease me about dancing." I responded with, "To which you say to them, what?" He answered me with a shit eating grin on his face, " Laugh if you want fellas but I'm the only boy in a room where I'm surrounded by girls. Life is good!" SMH *laughing* Leos. What are ya gonna do? It makes me happy that my son is not afraid to dance. Was Ballet his favorite thing? Nope. But is the foundation of all dance and he was required to take it. If he hadn't he wouldn't have discovered that he loves to tap. :)

This is the speech that I give when I enter a gym full of a couple hundred kids, and sit them down before I start the class.

"Dance is art. BUT, it is also a sport. It is the quiet assistant to every gifted athlete. Dance makes you stronger. Your muscles leaner. It makes you more agile, more flexible. All these things make for a better athlete. Fellas I bet you money, that  every great athlete has taken a dance class of some kind. (What?!) Now, stand up and get ready to work. OH! Before I forget there are a couple more things. One, at the end of class we will have a dance off. It will be boys against girls. I will tell you this, In EVERY school I have gone to teach in, the girls are excited, the boys cringe, but when all is said and done, the boys...9 times out of 10 will out dance the girls. (Insert the girls booing here) Are they better dancers? Sometimes. Then Why? Their attitude is better."

"Girls have a tendency to 'cop' an attitude. Boys have a tendency to not care if they can do the steps perfectly, they care about impressing the girls. (insert boys booing here) For cereal! Stand up. (They stand) Boys....you won't believe me now, but when you get older, there is nothing cooler to a girl than a guy that can dance. TRUST me. Just ask your Mom. (Insert gym teachers cheering and agreeing with me here). Now, you ready to work?! (YEAH!) Ok....I just have ONE rule. The word 'can't' is not allowed in my class.....ever. Because yes you can and we'll do it TOGETHER. (What happens if we say the word can't?) If you say that word and I hear you, you have to do 50 push ups, or V-sits, or sit ups, or whatever else will make you rethink you using that word. lol Now let's dance."

And yes there have been many kids that have had to do those 50 push ups or V-sits or....but they tend to do a set of 50 only once. ;)

I haven't opened my studio.  Life decided that I was to take a different path. It's funny how that works isn't it?  I am meant for other things. I can always open a studio. Even when I no longer have the physical ability to demonstrate the movements, I can still articulate them to those who can. While I still am able, I will pursue what I am meant to. As my girls Lynn and April like to say "The pursuit of FLYYYYYYYY." lol

I like to call it The Road of Life... Somewhere Near the Corner of LOVE and Happiness. :)

An Unexpected Memory...

Pops turned 60 on June 27th. We had a very laid back dinner here at the house out on the deck. Just Mom, Dad and me and my two kids. Occasionally we like to play a game at the dinner table. That night Rabbit (the nickname for my daughter) wanted us to go around and tell my Dad our favorite memory with him.

Since it was Rabbit's idea she naturally wanted to go first. Her memory was when Pops took the kids to the Science Museum. She thought that was the best day ever!

Handsome (nickname for my son) struggled a bit with his, but ultimately decided it was when Gma and Gpa took them to ride the train in Boone, IA and did a little hiking. This was in January while Mel and I were in NYC. Whenever I go out of town my parents watch the kids and they love it cause they call it "Camp Grandma...where you can have Popsicles before bed and dirty feet in the sheets." lol

Mom's favorite memory was their wedding day.

Then it was my turn. Pops said, "I bet your favorite memory was when we went to Boston." To which I replied, "Well that certainly ranks up there but it's not my favorite." He looked at me quizzically.

So I said, "My favorite memory is actually when I was a little girl you used to wake me up at 4 am and we'd take Grandpa's fishin boat out and go fishing. I remember being SO cold and wearing my pale blue puffy coat that all the kids had in the 80's. You taught me how to bait my hook and cast and reel and unhook and scale. And I remember how the water was like glass, as we sat in silence and cast out. Those moments taught me patience. So thank you."

He was a bit taken aback that I even remembered those times, and is now determined to try and create similar moments with my son. :)

Every chance I get I try to create similar moments with my kids. Like when they were little and every night before bed we would snuggle on the couch and I would read to them. I would then tuck them into bed and put a glass of water on their nightstands. They remember. They will remember the moments that made them who they are.

The fact that I recalled that memory with my Father didn't surprise me like it did him, but realizing that learning how to fish with my Dad is where I first learned the art of patience, did.

I wonder if you have any memories like that. *ponders* I bet you do. :)

Loving. Honest. Real...

A few weeks ago I challenged myself to post a blog every day for 365, maybe beyond. I placed this on myself not only so I can get back into the habit of writing everyday but also to get my thoughts and feelings down on paper in case there ever comes a day when it's too late. There are moments when I wished I had something like this to read about my own Mother before she died.

The further time gets away from me , the further the memory. It sucks. Although I can't smell a jar of original scent Oil of Olay without thinking of her, and remembering how it felt to hug her and hold her. I'm hoping in some small way these daily posts will be a permanent reminder to my kids, should the time come for me to leave this earth, or my mind fails me, or...

It was a good day of training at work. I think other than a few technical things about the Bday parties, I'm pretty much good to go. Summertime isn't typically a very busy time for this place. Most kids are outside running around, but lately the ridiculous heat has brought them inside. We get a few day cares and summer day camp kids in and once school starts again next month we'll switch gears and we'll get more elementary kids and school fundraising.

We're trying to build interest in having a Special Needs Night where we close the place to the general public and those with special needs can have time to enjoy themselves and have fun with less worry. I've already talked to my boss about having a Pink Night once a month for Susan G. Komen. So Moms with kids can have a desigated time for their kids to come in and jump and play and 20% of all purchases from a designated block of time will go to Susan G. Komen. She thought it was a great idea! Gonna reach out to the local PKD chapter, of which I'm a member of, and see if they want to do a similar thing. Kids come in to PLAY and the money goes to a great charity. Win! We shall see what happens.

I took a break from Twitter today. Probably won't be around much for the next few days. We'll see. I'll post in here daily but that might be it. I've been lurking though. Saw that Boyz II Men shared the stage a little tonight with NKOTBSB in Orlando. What FUN! That woulda been an AMAZING moment to witness live. So COOL for the guys. :)

Mel has hit the road tonight to finish *her* leg of this tour. She will be at the Columbus and Indy shows. It's weird not to be there with her. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited she gets to go!!! I'm not a jealous person, so it's not that. Just a little sad is all. We're siamese twins joined at the heart, and usually together in the pursuit of Shenanigans. She's got "Traveling Danny" though and heaven only knows what kind of mishief  "Traveling Danny" can cause. lol

I'm now going to tuck Rabbit into bed, wash away the remains of the day off of my face, put my pj's on, crawl into bed and watch Why Did I Get Married Too. I watched the first one last week, and there were way too many scenarios that resembled a piece of my life I never care to relive, but sadly can never escape from, since our children will forever tie him to me. Moving on...

My girls said I really need to see the second one so, tonight is a good night to do just that. I'll be around, lurking. Like I always tell people......here if you want me, gone if you don't.

Every night I post the same phrase as my last tweet of the night. I'll post it in here tonight instead, and expound a little for those who wonder why I say it. It's a reminder to me, so that when I wake up....if I actually sleep...I have a positive tweet in my timeline to start my day. If others take something positive from it as well, then that's okay too!

Be loving..... nothing else matters.

Be honest......because when you come from an honest place, with not only others but yourself as well, it builds a strong foundation of trust.

Be authentic.......anyone can play dress up and the world is saturated with fake people who only have selfish agendas. Those who try to be better than everyone else, who look down on you for having your own mind and not following the herd.  Being real means being vulnerable, and some people fear that. I don't. It's trusting others I fear. I would much rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not. I am, just as are you, a work in progress. If you are loving and honest, the authenticity of you takes care of itself. :)

Only then is it worth the fight.......When you have all of these things as a driving force in your heart, the fight then has meaning. The fight to be better than you were the day before. The fight some days to just even take one single step forward. The fight to not settle, but to hold out for the love that will be returned by someone who's heart matches yours.

 Loving. Honest. Real.

Goodnight kids.

Be loving.......Be honest......Be authentic............only then is it worth the fight.

Drunk on Happy...

When Mel and I and our friend Brandi (this was Brandi's first concert since 1989!) went to Kansas City over the weekend for my last NKOTBSB concert this tour, I was nervous. I just was, and we'll leave it at that. However, there's nothing like the feeling of walking into an arena.

Well, for me at least. Walking in and walking down to our floor seats and some of the nerves melted away. Then having so many of our friends find us and getting to squeeze the shit out of them started to make it fun.

( Brandi, Me, Mel)

Like my friend Amy who I've nicknamed Peanut on account she reminds me of one of my former dancers.

And a couple of my 5* girls from last yr in Hammond. We were virtual strangers until 6/6/2010 and now they are a part of my world.

Then one of the highlights of my night was the hug from my buddy Earl. He made is way over to me, looked at me as I put my arms around him and said, "You're trouble." I looked up at him (the dude's tall. I'm 5'8" and look at *him* Big dude.) smiled and said, "I'm not trouble I PROMISE. I'm just misunderstood sometimes." He smiled and then as he was walking away from our group said, "Y'all are trouble," looked at me, laughed and said, "Especially YOU." 

Dude's laughin at me. SMH *laughing* He's a good egg. I think we'll keep him.

After the amazing opening set by Midnight Red and after I fell in love with Matthew Morrison *swoon* the lights came down, and the opening sequence started. If I close my eyes, I'm there. The second the guys walked into their spots for I'll Be the One/ Single and the lights came up, in one fell swoop my world had righted itself. My nerves melted away and everything was as right as rain.

There's a moment towards the end of the show when all nine guys introduce each other. It stands to reason that the 'bad boy' of the Backstreet Boys would introduce the 'bad boy' of NKOTB. When Donnie said, "I'm not a 'bad boy' I've just been misunderstood all these years," Don't think I wasn't laughing my ass off at the irony of me having said the same thing to Earl earlier in the night.

Then we followed it up with dancing our asses off and getting all hot and sweaty at Luna.

(I'm not drunk. I'm happy! I got my girls, a dance floor and a killer DJ! It doesn't take much)

Followed by breakfast at Fran's and getting lost on our way back to the hotel. Otherwise known as The Stupid Zone.

 http://www.twitvid.com/PBWTX

Perfect 'moments' for perfect memories, and I continue to be drunk on happy. :)

~Love Eternal

Breathe...

Today was not a great day for me. Every one has their problems so I really don't want to get into it here. Instead, I want to talk about the calm after the storm. What do you do when you can't run away and you can't scream and you've already unleashed your fury on anyone within 4 ft of you? When all around you is chaos and noise and you would give anything for just a moment to breathe, what do you do when you can't?

Sometimes, I pick up a book and get lost in a story that isn't my life. Other times I pick up a book and have to re-read one paragraph 8 times before I give up because there's too much swirling around in my head to engage. I read the words but don't retain the information. Sometimes I run, or dance, or shadow box (somtimes I punch the bed), or listen to music, or I'll sit and cry in the shower so the tears go down the drain and no one can see me.

I have Polycystic Kidney Disease. It was lovingly passed onto me through my Father and his Father before him. http://kidney.niddk.nih.gov/kudiseases/pubs/polycystic/ One of the things I need to watch is my blood pressure, so when I get angry I need to quickly find a way to diffuse it. I don't get angry very often though. Perhaps a better word would be agitated. Or frustrated. I'm not quick to fly off the handle. I have already discussed in a past blog what might set me off. My 'triggers'. Today.....a major one was pulled by the person who set them in the first place.

So needless to say, my blood pressure was slightly elevated.  It was also a day when I was home with the kids and they needed me to be present so I had nowhere to go with all this energy. It sat and festered and then it hit me (*sings* It hit me like an 808 straight my heart), and then knocked me on my ass. Once the kids and I finally got home from running errands and they went to their rooms to do their own things, I put on a T-shirt and yoga shorts, layed on my bed and passed out for 10 minutes.

I NEVER do that. I felt like someone had punched me in the side of the head. The weight of what had happened just took me down. I have been a little better since 5pm tonight after my 'nap'. Now that the house is quiet, and I'm alone in my room, I put my ear buds in and listen to a few songs that ease my weary mind and make everything as right as rain.

I share them with you now. Not everyone shares my taste in music, but if you listen to them you get a little insight into me. I am listening to these songs as we speak. I cannot change what happened or what was said to me, or how I was treated, and I can't change what may happen. I can only prepare myself for the worst, hope for the best and be thankful. God knows how much we can handle. If you think you're weak...you're not. Problems aren't for the weak, they're for the strong. Giving up is for the weak.

Shut out the rest of the world with me. Plug in your earbuds and even if only for a moment.... Breathe.

Slow Me Down- Emmy Rossum http://youtu.be/xiLcw4juIMk
Breathe- Anna Nalick http://youtu.be/jPz3YaIJkjQ
Cover Girl- Joey McIntyre http://youtu.be/37dEi2xupTQ
Easier- Joey McIntyre http://youtu.be/5GN1mUa4viQ
Just the Way You Are- Boyce Avenue http://youtu.be/GhFSgnvKqm4
1+1- Beyonce http://youtu.be/MBK_GqLHEZo
The Nearness of You- Norah Jones http://youtu.be/8We0SwZHd9A

I Celebrate You...

Often times, our lives can get crazy and hectic. We get pulled in a thousand different directions and have a hard time finding a chance to breathe let alone tell the people who are important to us how we feel. I don't EVER want anyone I care about to feel that I have forgotten them, or taken them for granted. I cherish you and am thankful to have you in my world. For a moment, or a lifetime, I appreciate you.

For every moment of doubt that has ever crossed your mind, I believe in you with every fiber of my being.

For every person that crosses your path and only makes you feel small, I will cheer you on that much louder.

For every idea you have had, that you were afraid to vocalize for fear of those who would say, "That will never work." I will be the one who says, ' In this life there is nothing without possibility. Let's go.'

For every time you feel you cannot take another step, I will sit with you,whether in silence or in conversation,  til you feel strong enough to walk again.

For all that you are, good and bad, I will accept you just as you are. You are perfect to ME.

For everything that you go through. The struggle, the fight, the success, the failure, and the rise again. I am PROUD.

For every long and trying day you have, you have my immense respect and admiration.

And for wherever this journey takes you, I will be with you, whether in person or in thought.

If you are in my life......and you'll know the answer to that if upon reading these words, you *feel* them, and you connect with them............ this post is for you.

You were brought into in my life for a reason, as I was into yours. And here we are...Believing in, fighting for, cheering on, praying for, walking with, holding on to, dancing with, crying with, lifting up, creating memories with, smiling at, laughing with, admiring, respecting, and loving each other.

Tonight.......and every night................I thank God for and celebrate YOU. :)

I Will Fall for A Boy...

I have a wedding to go to next month. My friend Sherri is getting married and It's kind of a big deal. lol Mel and I will be each other's dates, which she says, " I could do worse."

I have absolutely no clue what the hell I'm gonna wear to this thing. None. I'm sure I'll find something eventually. Not too worried. I'm excited to be able to share in their joy! She has struggled in relationships and she gives me hope that it's possible to find that perfect someone. I don't mean perfect in the actual definition. It doesn't exist. I just mean more of a perfect fit. To watch them together, is a beautiful thing. Sherri keeps telling me and Mel, " I don't care what you wear, just be ready to dance!" Like you have to ask *me* twice.

Mel and I were in Kansas City over the weekend, for my last NKOTB show this tour. Mel, will be going on to Columbus and Indy without me. Aside from the various Shenanigans, we also hit a dance floor after the concert. Our favorite DJ, Cheapshot, was playing down the street from the venue at Luna. We love him , because he knows his shit. Of course mixing in NKOTB tracks into his set, just makes us love him more.

He didn't disappoint.  When we first got there, we stopped at the bar to get a drink. I ordered my usual... Coke. lol As I was ordering my Coke, this chick standing next to me said I was gorgeous and that I looked liked Halle Berry. Then she said, "I don't mean you're gorgeous cuz you look like her. You're gorgeous because your gorgeous, but you're Halle Berry gorgeous." Ummm....thanks! Mel said later that the chick was totally hitting on me. I was oblvious. *shrug* I had downed my Coke by the time I got to the floor.  For a good hour, we were on that floor dancing our asses off.

At one point, there were these two guys in suits to the left of me, drinking and "dancing". One of them says to me-interrupting my flow *raising eyebrow*lol- "MAN! You've got some killer MOVES." I stop dancing, look at him and with two thumbs up I say, " Thanks!" Then I resume dancing, counting down in my head back from 5 to the inevitable moment when said dude tries to "dance" with me. Noticing the smirk on Mel's face that said, "Oh silly boys, you are SO not gettin her. Dumb, dumb, dumb." We exchange a look and without saying a word, and while we were still dancing, I slide to my right and she sails to the left, putting distance between me and the Wonder Twins, and putting her back to them. I look up, and they look over like "WTF just happend? Where'd she go?"

Not long after that, Mel got thirsty, my hunger won out, AND I lost my space on the floor because the crowd had thickened. I don't do "bobblehead dancing" and I won't throw elbows. If I lose my space, I'm done. So we left to find food, and as were laughing over what had happened, Mel says, "Those boys had no idea what was about to happen. Here's what happened boys, her own personal body guard. Her own"Earl" that's what happened."

I don't go to clubs usually. I don't drink, so the only reason I go is to dance. I just want the floor, I'm not looking to 'hook up'. EVER. I'm not built that way. I'm a one man kinda girl and my standards are set ridiculously high now. I won't settle for anything less than the best ever again. I really don't need much. He doesn't need to be rich. Stable employment is a must though. I've had enough of someone only caring about money. His philosophy other than being a know-it-all, was "The newer the better." SMH All about the cars, that one was, or is, rather.

He's been in the car business most of his life, so it stands to reason. The fact that he was successful did attract me to him. I learned my lesson in a very hard way. *heavy sigh* I paid a hefty price that had nothing to do with money.

I have *always*  known what I want. Ahhh....now comes the tricky part....of not being left wanting, but rather being wanted just as much in return.

I won't fall for a boy who wants  the whole world.....but....

http://pinterest.com/pin/46275001/

AND.....he has to know how to dance. Sorry fellas, I will not budge on that one. The boy has to have rhythm and stamina if he's gonna be able to keep up with me. #justsayin ;)

Beantown to Right Now...

I had decided during my senior year in H.S. that I was going to take a year off before going to college. My brain needed the break. So I spent the summer working and then in the fall one of my closest friends from school invited me to come check out the college she had decided on to see if I might want to go there instead of the Boston Conservatory. Her college choice? Northeastern University.

So in the fall of '92 I took a train by myself from Des Moines to Boston. That was a long ass train ride alone. OY! I stayed in the dorm with Jess (her nickname then was Mooch) and we toured campus, and went out at night. Definitely a different world for me to experience back then. I wasn't sure I could handle living in the city. Even though I absolutely knew I *wanted* to.

On the train ride back it stopped in Chicago, I missed my connecting train home and had to take the Greyhound. It was so crowded and there was this nasty drunk dude in the seat next to me, trying to hit on me the entire time. I just kept my nose in my book and my mouth shut. I was never so glad to be home!

The bus ride home made think. Now, when I am in my head for way too long, it never ends well for me. lol The seeds of doubt had been planted. The trip didn't change my mind as to which college I wanted to go to. Still planned on the Conservatory. So when it came time for my audition, Pops went with me.

One of the cities they were holding auditions in was Chicago, so that's where we went. The plan was to go, stay overnight and then come back. We got there, and I stretched and warmed up and had 3 different auditons I had prepared for. I had my Ballet solo for my dance audition, my vocal solo, and my monologue. I was beyond nervous. As I had said before, during my bus ride home I started to doubt myself and my abilities.

As I had finished warming up for my dance audition, I made the mistake of walking by an audition room where someone was doing an AMAZING piece. I as I stood there and watched in complete awe, I was then overcome with a fear so great, I froze. I couldn't do it. I couldn't go in. I had convinced myself that if that's what they were looking for then I didn't have a chance in hell. I broke. I cried. I stopped. Then I told my Dad I couldn't do it. I wasn't 'on my leg' (dancer term equivelant to keeping your head in the game). So, we left. I caught my breath. We went to lunch, we stopped at Walgreens and then we drove the 6 1/2 hours it takes to get home.

That was it. Done. I had closed a door on a dream because I was afraid I wasn't good enough. Mel tells me all the time that I am hyper critical of myself. She's right. I can't deny that. I'm trying to get better at it. I had a 3-way conversation on twitter a couple of weeks ago,between me, Mel, and another friend. At one point in this conversation, this other person had said I was talented and beautiful. to which I replied, "I don't handle compliments well, so thank you." Her response was, "That's because accepting a compliment, means you have to acknowledge it as true. Can be a hard thing to do. Do it anyway." That stuck.

 After giving up on college, there came an opportunity for me to sign a record deal. I passed. That's another story for another time perhaps. Where I'm going with this is I have decided to audition for season 2 of The Voice. This...is a VERY big decision for me, because I have said for a VERY long time that I never wanted to do a competition show. I don't like to lose. So typically I don't put myself in a position where that could happen. You know the whole, War Games rule. The only winning move is not to play.

My biggest fear really hasn't been failure or rejection. I'm a performing artist, rejection is part of the territory. My biggest fear? Is the fear that I will succeed. I will not let that fear stop me this time.

Right now, I feel like I'm standing in the doorway of that audition room again. Only this time....I'm opening the door and going in.

On ONE Condition...

Mom and I had a lovely chat the other night while sitting on the deck on the definition of Unconditional Love. What was ultimately decided was that there is no such thing. To break down that commonly-used term is to quite simply say, "Go do whatever the hell you want, and I'm gonna go do whatever the hell *I* want, and we'll just not care about what the other is doing because it really doesn't affect our relationship cause we love each other."

The truth is, every relationship has conditions. Pretty sure if you were to drain your bank account unbeknownst to your spouse or significant other and went on some wild shopping spree, they would have a slight issue with that. "Oh but we love each other unconditionally so..."

Or, "You love me unconditionally, so I'm just gonna smack you around a little. It's totally fine." No. It's not.

Through every love, there are conditions. Little, everyday conditions that we set for ourselves and for our loved ones. If we walked around doing whatever the hell we wanted all the time without thought or concern for others, we would end up alone.

Here's the thing, you want conditions. Healthy conditions. The conditions that let the other person know, "Hey, I care about your well-being so I may have an opinion or two about how you are treating me or others." There's nothing wrong with that.

I welcome that. I don't want people I love around me who only agree with everything I do or say. If my ass looks fat in those jeans, for cripes sake tell me. I would think those close to me would want me to do the same. The other kind of friend isn't a friend at all if all they do is smile and nod and tell you everything you want to hear. I don't follow blindly and I don't have friends that do either.

Often times I care about someone way more than I should, and it bites me in the ass. That happened recently. My heart hurts, but it doesn't change the fact that I still care, I still love.... It just means I'm keeping my heart a little closer to the vest these days. Ya know they say, you shouldn't be concerned when a woman cares too much. It's when she stops caring, that you should.

You want to be my friend, here are my conditions....I want people around me who can respect my mind, and my opinions even thought they might not always agree. Who will understand my 'triggers' and forgive them as I will forgive theirs. Who will allow me to be "me" and as I will be there to build them up and support them and encourage them, I expect the same. I have spent too many years being torn down, and let me tell you that all it takes is one negative comment to kill a dream. Just one. I want people around me who have no hidden agenda other than to enjoy each others company through this thing called life. ( I now have Prince stuck in my head. Awesome.)

So if you can handle that, we have a shot at being friends. You start throwing around ultimatums then we might have an issue. Because those say you only care about one person. You. And well, that sucks for anyone who cares about you.

Bottom line is this. You can be my friend on ONE condition.......if I care about you, if I trust you enough to let you through these walls, if I love you.........let me. It may not be easy at times, but you can bet your sweet ass it'll be worth it. ;)

Deck party......but on a beach.

When I was but a wee little tot, I had a cast on my right leg. From my knee down. It was there to straighten it out, because apparently it was really turned in. Could be why I have issues with my right knee now. Of course it didn't help when a couple of years ago I was choreographing a pas de deux for the Nutcracker, and in demonstrating some partnering work for my Plum (See Why I Teach) the Nutcracker Prince dipped me too far back hyper extending my right knee. I couldn't dance for two weeks after that. It SUCKED!

Now when I do any full out dancing I need to make sure and wrap my knee, otherwise I'll be crying in pain the next day. It's crazy to think that I went from needing a cast to straighten out my leg, to becoming a dancer and choreographer.

I used to dance for my family when I was a kid. I remember wearing my first Ballet costume and being out in the driveway on a hot summer day. We had people over for a barbecue I think, and they were all sitting in lawn chairs watching me makeup a dance to Take My Breath Away.

In addition to my normal dance classes, once a week I would go up to one of the schools nearby and meet with the Filipino/American dance troupe. I spent some time dancing and performing around the city with them. I loved tinikling and can still do it, but even more so, I loved to do THIS one....

http://youtu.be/4Gf8Xa0N2yk .... yes those are real candles, and yes I can still do that. lol

The annual Filipino/ American festival was one of my favorite things to go to as a kid. It was a pig roast. We would dance and sing and there was always so much food! My Mom would laugh with her friends and play mah jong late into the night. I can't really speak Tagalog. I mean I know a few phrases and things but that's about it.  I can instantly recognize it when I hear it though. One of the things I regret is not learning the language. There's still time. :)

If I ever get married again.....someday in a far off dream.......I want to have the wedding here...

http://pinterest.com/pin/53827456/

And I want my head table here....

http://pinterest.com/pin/53828620/

And I want it to be a HUGE party complete with traditional Filipino food, and laughter and music and dancing ALL night. I basically want a "deck party" but on a beach. :) Who's in?

The Channel U...

That's not some metaphor, it really was a TV channel. Granted it was around 1978-79 that this memory takes place and I was 4/5 years old. My younger Sister and I would lay on the floor, our heads resting on a giant paisley green pillow and watch TV. Pops was in the Air Force and stationed in Germany at the time and we lived on base. We apparently didn't get very good reception because the only way the TV worked is if the dial was sitting on U.

Do you remember the gianormous box TVs that were so heavy from the wood casing that it was it's own piece of furniture? The kind that you had to physically turn the heavy dial and it would make a loud clicking noise every time you turned it? Yeah that's the kind of TV I'm talking about. Anyway we had our blankets and were most likely sucking our thumbs.

The only show I ever cared to watch? Wonder Woman. I loved her. I love super heroes in general, but I wanted to BE Wonder Woman. She was strong, and beautiful and she had that  awesome truth lasso and the bracelets that could deflect bullets AND she had an invisible frakkin plane people! Dude!

Other than my fondness for watching Wonder Woman, the other memories that stand out to me, are that of my older Sister Lynn teaching me how to ride a bike. It was green with a green and white banana seat. I remember touring the spectacular castles and making a Christmas ornament in class. I'm fairly certain we still have it. It's a bell made out of an aluminum foil covered Styrofoam cup...with glued on macaroni noodles. Now if that doesn't scream "artist" I don't know what does.

There are other memories about that time of my life that ebb and flow, much like all memories do, and I'm sure if I sit here and think for a while I could find a few more. Such as the beginning of my love affair with Gummi worms, Gummi bears and especially Gummi colas!  Nobody does Gummi like the Germans. lol

Out of all of the memories though, the one that will forever be the stamp in my proverbial passport, will be laying in front of the TV with my baby sister and our dog Donka. He was a long-haired wiener dog. When he got to runnin' after somethin' too fast his back legs would go faster than his front legs and he'd end up runnin' sideways. Funny shit right there.

I still wanna be Wonder Woman when I grow up. Only now, I can fill in the costume. ;)  AND.... I want to marry Batman. *insert BH head tilt here* He's my favorite male super hero.

What super hero do U wanna be when you grow up?