Cheez-It Chicken Recipe

I have had many requests for this recipe and am finally getting around to posting it.

Enjoy!

~AM


2 lbs boneless chicken breasts
1 box of Reduced Fat Cheez-Its
2 eggs (beaten)
1 tsp. ground black pepper

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

Run box of Cheez-Its through food processor to crush. If no processor is available, place crackers in a gallon sized ziploc bag, squeeze the air out, seal and roll a rolling pin back and forth over the bag to crush them. Pour into bowl and toss with ground black pepper.

Dredge each chicken breast in beaten eggs and then roll them in the crushed Cheez-It/pepper mixture. Place on baking sheet and bake for 18-24 minutes.

SO easy and my kids LOVE it!

The Winding Road...

I spent most of the night fighting a creative block. I couldn’t lock down song choices and my head was filled with nothing but a swarm of thoughts of everything that I have to get done before my move, my kids, things that need to be done at work, on and on and on.  My mind would not settle and I ended up falling asleep on the floor after surrendering to it. I woke up about 30 minutes later and crawled into bed without having chosen songs or setting choreography for tonight’s classes.

I knew this would eventually happen.  It always does. Every single time I have left dance to re-enter retail management my spirit suffers. Yes, I do not do well with idle and yes I like to be  busy, however, the doing what I have to do to survive and provide means everything else that matters to me gets sacrificed.  Life barrels forward and moments slip away. Moments to create, to breathe, to live, to just…be.

I’m frustrated today. This next session of dance classes may be my last for a while and it hurts. I have nothing in the tank right now and I’m running on fumes. In order to inspire others one must first be inspired and for a while now I have been so supremely uninspired. I cannot give of myself if there is nothing to give.  

I enjoy my day job. I have a great staff and we have a lot of fun, but it’s a different mindset. It’s a different part of me that is being utilized and while it is a trained and productive one it is not where my heart resides. This would be why I fought the idea of taking on a “day job” again. Because I have been here, I have gone through this before and it SUCKS! I do not like the person I am when what I love to do suffers. 

I try very hard not to complain. I have been given a life and I am living it. I am thankful I have the skills and the mindset and work ethic to provide for my children. I am proud to be independent  and I try very hard to instill those same things in my kids. At the same time, I want them to know how important it is to follow your bliss. The things that bring you pure joy spills over into everything  else you do and spreads to others. I want them to know how important it is to nurture that part of you, because it is that part of you that is your reason for being here. 

I’m sad that that part of me is collecting dust again. I believe in leading by example and if I cannot show my children how to live the way you are meant to it weighs heavy on my heart.  This does not mean that I walk around all pouty and throwing myself a pity party. I still get out of bed and hit the ground running every day. I still play and laugh with my children and I still move forward with an open heart full of love.

As with every bend in the road, this one will eventually straighten itself out I'm sure. I needed a moment to vent, and I thank you kindly for allowing me this moment. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get a shirt down for a customer.

Steel Doors and Parkour...

This last month or so has not exactly been a giant bowl of awesomesauce for me. I tried blogging about it a couple of weeks ago but when I went to go preview it before posting, something happened with the program and everything I had typed was lost. I was so frustrated at that point I just gave up. Prior to that I decided to take a break from social media. I had to. It was the longest I had ever gone without tweeting since I joined Twitter, but I was not in a good place and felt because of that, I would have nothing positive to add. So, rather than bringing the weight of my world to that part of my life, I just left.  I did what I usually do and reverted to my introverted nature. I’m still in that place really. I had traveled quite a bit since January and then nothing. I was happy. And then and I wasn’t.

Imagine happily running down a long hallway at full speed. Just being happy that you’re moving and going forward and then out of nowhere someone opens a steel door in front of you and you slam into it knocking you on your ass. That’s generally me. The one running, not the one behind the steel doors. Now, normally I get hit, lay there for a minute, then stand back up, dust myself off, make sure I didn’t break anything, slowly close the door and off I go again. Only this time it wasn’t just one door I ran into at full speed, it was several….In a short amount of time.

 I crashed. Hard. Feelings aren’t right or wrong they just…are. I don’t wallow but I don’t dismiss. I embrace whatever feeling I’m having at the moment so I can either work through it or bask in it. I do not shy away from LIFE. I drink it in. I only have ONE and it is meant to be lived. Good, bad or otherwise. It has taken me a long time to get where I feel free enough and comfortable enough in my own skin to be able to do that. I gave my bestie a plaque recently that says, “Embrace the crazy. It is the moments in between where real life is lived.” It’s true. So, I’m trying my best to do that, but I’d be just fine if the universe could maybe let up a titch. I have been fighting for a very long time kids. Mostly alone and I’m tired. However, it does not stop me. It may slow me down, but it doesn’t stop me.  It’s just taking me a bit longer to get up this time.

I’m not going to go into great detail about these “doors” but what I will do is take a deep breath and write a really long run on paragraph. A) for dramatic effect and B) Because it’s how it’s how it came out at lunch today when I was catching Mom up on what she’d missed while she was gone, which means that’s how it was running through my head. Make sure to read it really fast. Ready?

*deep inhale*

Came back from Miami, which was AMAZING, and I was all happy and glowy but not in an after sex kinda way because, well that’s just not happening. Sad sorry state of affairs THAT is, but really it’s my own doing because I have this thing about casual sex, I don’t believe there’s anything “casual” about it and since I’m really a one man kinda girl and the ONE man I want is a trifle bit busy at the moment, it makes for a very long dry spell, for me, not for him *scowly* I don’t wanna talk about it because it’s just complicated and depressing when it really shouldn’t be but it’s all about choices you see. Not mine, his, but I can’t do anything about it so I really have to learn let go but I don’t want to so it is what it is. That aside, I had to let my tap classes go because the studio owner thinks that tap is too hard on the wood floor, which is ridiculous because HELLO tap is meant for a wood floor but whatever, not my studio. So we decided to substitute the class for a Jazz class and offer it dirt cheap to generate interest thinking we maybe can keep it in the Fall. Okay….but THEN I was told I may lose my classes altogether because of the loud music from the bar downstairs that interferes with my teaching and the whole concentration factor involved in Contemporary. Apparently this is the bar’s “slow” season and it’s about to get worse, and MY classes always get the shaft because of the time and days that they’re held on, but I can’t change them because of my “day job” and the other classes during the week and the kids’ schedule and whatnot. I had it worked out where I would move my classes to a t bit earlier on Sundays, which means I’d have to work longer days during the week and the one Sunday a month I’m required to work I’d just leave early and go right to the studio. Of course that means I’d have NO time to work on choreography prior to that, but I can choreograph in my head on the way down there. Two different styles, makes it a bit tricky, but I can do it.  I had to cancel my trip to Boston for my bday because Mel’s computer took a shit and she had to buy a whole new word program which is an absolute must for an author, but her Boston budget bit it. It’s not her fault by any means, but I won’t go alone so I cancelled the trip. It sucks big giant dog dookies, but nobody died, that I know of, so I have to get over it. THEN, my part time assistant gave me his to week notice to go work full time for a company that’s designed for skaters and well that’s really his nitch so I can’t blame him. Of course that means that my plan to get the EFF out of Corn Country just took a nose dive. I mean, not only for any traveling I want to do but also I can’t relocate with the company anywhere until my staff is full and strong enough to run without me.  I already had to give up my dance workshops because they aren’t exactly a sustainable income. I have kids. They come first. Period. So my plan was to hopefully relocate with this job, out East where I can be where I want and still teach, but survive as well. In the meantime, my plan was to stay where I’m at, get some bills paid and gear up for this move that is GOING to happen. NOW….I’m hit today with the news that Mom wants to sell the house. *blank stare* 

*deep breath*

I have to look for an apartment. Which is fine anyway, because as convenient as it has been to have my kids in a place where they are well cared for when I’m traveling, I have been butting heads with Pops and it’s gotten to the point where if I don’t get out soon, we run the risk of him never seeing me again. I don’t want that, but I can’t punch him in the face either, so I kinda don’t have a choice. They have a suite downstairs and the kids and I have the upper level and we share the common areas. Since my  divorce happened, it has worked for us. I help them and they help me with the kids when I’m gone. I just wanted one more year to get my plan together and rather than move into an apartment and then move again when I relocate. This may all seem like little things to have to deal with, but when they all hit in rapid fire succession, chased with other things I won’t go into detail about, it’s just a lot for me to absorb and NOT where I want to be or what I want to be doing. I’m not getting any younger and life is way to fucking short and with every setback I just get more tired of fighting for what I want and what makes me happy. I’m too busy doing what I HAVE to do and it is making me VERY unhappy.  I keep trying to tell myself, “it isn’t forever, it’s for right now”, but ya know what? Forever isn’t guaranteed and I may not get a tomorrow. So then what? 

I gather myself together and stare at the ‘door’ for a little while trying to figure out what the hell I’m doing right, and how to fix what I'm doing wrong.

Here’s what I’ve come up with…

Luckily I’m a stubborn little shit and in the end, when all is said and done, regardless of the outcome for me... I will have taught my kids to run hard, towards the things that make you happy and when someone opens that steel door.... you Parkour that mother fucker and never look back.

My Purpose...

A while back I was struggling with what it was I was put on this planet to do. I have been dancing since I was in the womb and singing since before I could even form words. I was never really sure what to do with all of that growing up, just that I was born a creative soul and it is how I would live my life.

I will not re-hash the parts of my journey thus far that I have already blogged about. You are free to read them. My past lies in them. I am in the process of moving forward through my future and in my struggle with trying to find direction I finally had an epiphany. It was an idea that came to me and just felt right. I am in the infant stages of creating the life I want and every day is a struggle but there is no reward without the work. Desire is not enough.

 Last Fall I began looking for a place to teach and I saw this little ad on Facebook for a Glaza Studio located in downtown's East Village. I contacted the studio and let them know I was interested in renting a space to teach some classes and wanted to know how much it would be (I'm an independent contractor so I rent space much like a hair stylist rents a chair in a salon). The gal who runs the space then informed me what the studio was all about and that she was actually looking to add classes and wanted to know what I taught. I told her I specialize in Hip Hop and Contemporary but teach everything. We met, discussed a few things and I began teaching beginning the next 8 wk session last October. Although I have the backing of the studio I have to promote myself and my classes.

By the end of that session I had one student. One.

I was a frustrated and depressed, but told her to keep my classes on the roster and we would see what the next session would bring. In January one of our local news stations did a spotlight piece on the studio Workout of the Week: Dance it Out (click on the link to see the video and read the review). My hope was to get a decent enough review that it would generate more interest in my classes. While I was waiting for this to air, I was in the throws of planning my long overdue trip to Boston with my bestie. In this stage of planning I decided to offer a Hip Hop workshop while there. I've had a few people ask me if I would teach the next time I was out East so I thought "Why not?" From that idea Dare2Dance was born.

The news spot aired and much to my delight I, as a teacher, got a great review! By the end of the 2nd session I had 13 students registered and a few drop-ins and have added an Adult Tap Level I and Tap Level 2 class each week.

I am currently working on getting a website up to offer online classes for those who want to take my class but are nowhere near where I teach. Since It is well known that technology and I are NOT friends, I'm gonna have to get Word Press for Dummies or something. Cripes. I'm also struggling with finding a Videographer who can tape and edit the classes for me. It is a work in progress and I welcome any help I can get.

All of what I just wrote is leading up to this....when I got back from L.A. a couple of weeks ago I hit what is commonly referred to as PCD (Post Concert Depression) but I referred to it as Post Boston Depression. we were in Boston, then a week later L.A. then a week after that Chicago. I have said several times before and it is SO very true for me. I. Do. Not. Do. Well. With. Idle.

I NEED to be on the go. I NEED to be busy. I am happiest when I'm not only on the go, but when I'm doing what I love. The problem with that is as a teacher, in any sense of the word, we are not in it for the money. ESPECIALLY dance teachers. Rarely do dance teachers survive on teaching alone. So I came back from these trips with the depressing thought of having to give it up. That it didn't matter anymore. That I needed to go back into retail management and put this dream once again back on the shelf. The problem with that is, in doing so *this* time, I would be giving it up forever. If I stopped now, that would be it. I wouldn't try again.

On top of everything else, I was also having issues with my son. So....I spent a week crying. It happens every now and again when I spend too long being strong. I reach a point where I break. But sometimes things need to fall apart so something better can come together. After last week's hate fest lobbed at my head I had turned that sadness into defeat. Then did what I always do, withdrew. I stopped crying. I took a deep breath and tried to remember my where it is I want to go and what it is I am meant to do.

I addressed the hater and let it go. Immediately after I got an email from my agent with a possible audition for a non-speaking role as an EMT in a 30 second PSA spot on traffic safety. I went to the audition tonight and it was SO quick and SO much fun! You have to understand that this is Corn Country and I'm lucky if I get an audition opportunity once a YEAR.

When I came home and checked my email, there was a letter from one of my current students. After I finished crying, I asked her I I could share it with you. After she made me cry yet again with her response she said it would be okay, so here ya go kids....

Rachel, Ann Marie and Caeli, 

I just wanted to let you all know how much Glaza Studio means to me and how thankful I am to have found it!   

This past year my mom has been having health issues and since then, I have struggled with anxiety.  I was constantly calling her and checking on her and my Dad, just making sure they are both okay.  I had trouble sleeping and it had gotten to the point that I was thinking life was spinning out of control and there was nothing I could do about.  That was about the time Glaza Studio aired as Workout of the Week and I thought, what the hell, give it a try, life can't get much worse.   I have LOVED every minute that I have been at the Studio....well, okay....not every minute......because Piloxing was unbelievably hard and never, ever, ever again will I Pilox! :)   But Hip Hop, Tap and Modern Dance have been my saving grace.  I have been able to refocus my life back on ME again.  I danced as a kid and I had forgotten how much I loved it.  When I dance, whether it's at the Studio, tapping in my kitchen, trying to Hip Hop in the living room or rolling on the floor in Modern Dance, it's the only time thoughts of my mom's health don't creep into my head.   Being able to find that peace has changed my life in more ways than I can express.  And the fact that I'm fitting into clothes I haven't worn in a couple of years is just a bonus (and it's only been one session)!!!!  

Yeah, life is spinning out of control but worrying about it is a waste of time.....especially when I could be dancing!!  Thanks again for being my refuge.

--
Kym Nitcher

Kym,

You are exactly why I teach and the EXACT reason why I teach adults. You are NEVER too old to start dancing and to experience the release of endorphins through movement is a blessing. Thank you for being part of my classes and taking away something that I have worked my entire life to give......joy.  This email made me cry in a good way and just as we have become your saving grace, to know that I'm doing something right during a time when I often think I don't matter is a gift. I thank you for this.

I love to see your face in my classes every week and we're only getting started. Would it be okay if I share this letter?

AM~

Ann Marie,

 I  can't say thank you enough for what you have done for me.  I was literally on the edge, having panic attacks in all their friggin glory.  It really sucked!!  I felt the world closing in on me.  But since starting to dance, the panic attacks have all but stopped.  I live for Wednesdays and Sundays....right now everything in between is just a filler....just to get me to the next class.   If you taught every night, I'd be the first to sign up!!  Your spirit and self-expression through dance is an inspiration.  Glaza Studios wouldn't be the same without you.  I wouldn't be the same without you.  Thanks so much!   

And you better not cry tomorrow....cuz then I'll start crying and Mike will wonder what the Hell he missed!!!  

I don't mind if you share the letter!   xoxoxoxo

Kym Nitcher

I breathe IN music and breathe OUT dance. To be able to share that with others brings me immense joy. My dream no longer has a shelf for me to put it on. The universe has it now and it will not be contained. There are many things I intend to do and many places I intend to see. Money will come and go. Sometimes I am comfortable and sometimes I struggle.....but through the highs and the lows...whether it is for a class of 1 or a class of 100......I will never stop teaching. I will never stop creating. It is my destiny. My purpose.

One Life....Mine.

Wow it's been a while huh? Seems like forever ago when I had challenged myself to write a blog a day for 365 days. You can see how well that went. lol SO many things have happened since my last post but I won't bore you with catching you up. If you really want to know, feel free to comment below and I'll happily send you to the Vlog links. There's a couple. ;)

It's been a rough week for me. A REALLY rough week, and I was hit with some nastiness from a person that clearly knows both me and my ex and chose to lash out at me for absolutely no reason, other than alerting me to the fact that this person clearly is in need of LOVE that I cannot give them. This person also decided to attack YOU. People I love, and did it by hiding behind an Egg Head and super secret code name. Actually....two different ones. I have a hunch I know who is behind this sad attempt to 'call me out'. What are we 12?

I'm going to now address this hate in here and be done with it. Until I do, it will weigh heavy on my heart and I refuse to give hate that much power. I have fought too long and too hard to let someone Else's insecurity pull me down.

I must preface this by saying this was NOT my ex. I've already spoken to him about it. This person probably wasn't counting on that, and after talking to my ex he helped me narrow down my suspects. He thinks it's ridiculous that someone felt the need to act on "his behalf", when he has more than moved on with his life. Sad that this person cannot.

1) Clearly your version of "truth" is filled with half truths. One sided stories are often like that. It is also quite clear from your hateful tweets that you really have no clue who I am. Who I was and who I am, now that I no longer live in fear of being ME, is what hurts you. I have closed a book that you were in and you can't let go. Your issue. Not mine.

2) I am not a fraud. I am human. But I do appreciate that comment coming from someone who chose to come at me hiding behind a fake name and an egg face.

3) I never said I had a recording contract. I said I had an "offer" that I turned down when I was 18 because I didn't want to be a country artist. I didn't want to move to Nashville like they wanted. I wanted to sing Pop and R&B so, I turned it down. You're not believing that just tells me you weren't there. Wanna know who was? That's right, Mel. You know, my bestie who you called "beastie" and "Oufat"? Now, while I appreciate you calling me a "Vampire who sucks the life out of people and that when I'm done with her I'll move on to my next victim" (shouldn't I be glowing right now?) SHE was there. She's been in my life for TWENTY ONE years ya twit. Yes, we lost touch for a while, but there are reasons for that, that mean nothing anymore. Time and distance mean very little when someone is meant to be in your life. Period.

4) Yes, in fact I did have a modeling offer with Elite Plus Size models when my kids were very young. They asked me to move to NYC. At the time, my then husband refused to move to NY on the "chance" I "might" get "work". Feel free to ask him about it, since you know all about us so well. He'll tell you.

5) Yes, in fact I was pulled down a flight of stairs by my hair, by a previous boyfriend. Obviously it's something I share with ease which is precisely why you 'know' all about it. FYI the movie Enough came out in 2002 and the incident happened in 1994. Yes, I did cut my hair on my honeymoon. I have never denied that. Clearly you knew my reasoning behind that decision. *looks for the sarcasm font*

6) I'm not even going to address this one because to bring someone I love into this will just piss him off. He's a bit busy right now and has very little time to deal with stupid shit, and even less use for haters.

7) My financial standing is absolutely none of any one's business. Yup. I live with my parents. Again, I have never denied this. They have a suite downstairs, the kids and I occupy the upper level and we share the common areas. It works out well for us, because they are here for my kids when I travel and when my Mom is out of town I can help make sure my Dad in his fragile health doesn't die alone. Do I want to be here forever? Nope. And I won't be. But for now, it works for us.

8) My kids are just fine. They have a roof over their head, clothes on their back, food on the table and their Dad and I get them what they need when they need it. What I do with my money is again...none of your fucking business. My children are AMAZING. They are independent, and creative and smart and talented. I  will not justify myself in my roll as their Mother. My children are a direct result of what I, and their Father, are teaching them. and I couldn't be more proud of the young adults they are becoming.

9) I, as you so eloquently put it, "hip hop around the country" because.... that's..... what....choreographers.....do.

10) You said, "Twitter is for narcissists and that I'm the coolest of the 'twitter tards' which is like being the tallest midget." Hmmm.... well..... they are like family to me, and I'm quite sure they will be happy to hear you refer to them as 'twitter tards'. Aside from the fact that you took the time to create not one but multiple accounts just to sling hate. This infers that you are in fact a "narcissistic twitter tard" as well. I would not trade these people, whom I've met most of and spent actual physical time with, for anything in the world. Yes, you, what did you say... "invaded my sacred Twitter grounds". It is not only a place to vent, and dream, and connect, and create, and network, and laugh and share it is a place that people like you.... have no place being.

11) I have let go of so much anger and hate in my life. It serves no purpose other than to give one the illusion that they are better than another. I challenge you to look into the mirror next time you decide to attack me or anyone else, and ask yourself, "What is it I hope to gain by attempting to bring another person down? Other than making it clear to that person that I am miserable and unhappy in my own life and do not have the courage to change it, so I'm just gonna talk some shit and hope if I talk loud enough out of my ass someone will love me." Glass houses and all that.

So, I have given you the attention you were in such desperate need of, I challenge you to now close this book. Let go of me. Just let me go. My ex has moved on with his life. Life. It is a fragile thing and I have already taken too much time away from it to give even these moments to you. If for some sad, sick reason you choose to attack me again, so be it. You cannot hurt me. I have an army of LOVE in my corner and you have no idea of the strength that possesses.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a life to get back to. It's just one life. MINE. Good luck in finding your own. I wish you nothing but happiness in your journey and I'm sorry I could not love you the way you wanted me too.

Ann Marie~

My Life Has a Soundtrack...

I have been known to say, often,  I believe with every fiber of my being that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. We may not know at the time what that reason is, but IN time the reason will reveal itself. Patience will give you clarity.

That is a a loaded statement isn't it? My patience has been running a bit thin as of late, and I had to get out of my heart and retreat back into my head for a bit. I'm a thinker. It happens. Then, when I figure it out, I Gibb's slap the back of my own head and get back into my heart. I work better from there.

I am sitting at my desk typing as You've Got Mail is on my TV for the second time in less than twelve hours. It is one of my top 5 favorite movies. Random, I know. Welcome to my world.

Moving on.

Have you ever read a book and envisioned yourself in the role of whatever female character you relate to the most? Or do you envision one of your favorite actresses playing that role, having already cast the eventual "movie based on a book"?

Do you ever feel like your LIFE is one giant movie? For me, I see my life as one really long mini series, with a kick ass soundtrack designed just for me. For a long time, it was put on a shelf collecting dust, like toys put away as you get older and are molded to put such foolish things away.

I was told many years ago, "Life isn't a movie. Stop thinking that it is and pay attention to reality". I will not tell you who it was that put that in my head. It is not a stretch for most of you to figure it out. I put my silly dreams aside and my soundtrack on the shelf. The music in my head stopped playing and I moved through life asleep, becoming ever more resentful of this person who I let tell me how to live. More angry with myself for taking it as Gospel.

Fast forward 15 years. My soundtrack came back with a quiet phrase that repeated in my head over and over again until I heard the song in it's entirety and "woke up". The phrase? Tick tick tock tock.....tick tick tock tock.

I realized, after I "woke up", that the fighting at two in the morning,  was the wrestling I was doing  with myself. (2008...another parallel). I have a hard time listening to that song now. It reminds me of a painful time and hard decisions. (insert Gravity- Sarah Bareilles) I digress.

Since then, so much has happened. I made a tough decision. Even in just under a year my life has changed. It has been hard at times, as change can usually bring about hardship, but it is infinitely brighter now. I see things with more clarity. I am stronger and braver than I have ever been. I hear the lyrics in music again, and I allow them to move me...as they should. As they were always meant to.

My life IS a movie. It's mine. There is no script, only guidelines. To tell a dreamer not to dream is like slowly depriving fire of oxygen, until one day that fire either dies, or searches desperately for an alternate source of air, causing an explosion and ultimately leaving destruction in it's wake. (insert Slow Dancing in a Burning Room- John Mayer)

Dying out was not an option.

I found oxygen.

It caused an explosion, and the damage was watching my children lose what they knew a family to be.
However, like most destruction, there is a chance to start new, and build again. Even in that there is music.

I guess my point in this rant, is that it's okay that I'm a dreamer. I'm not the only one. (insert Imagine-John Lennon). It's okay that I see my life playing out as a movie. I give myself permission, because I have come to realize, again, I'm not the only one. There are others out there that share the same thought. It took me a looooonnnggg time to see that. I find comfort in knowing that I'm not crazy, just slightly on the left side of sane.

I am me. It is has been a scary thing learning to be me again. I am discovering that in loving myself, I have SO much more love to give. (insert Bruised But not Broken- Joss Stone) It's been fun getting to know me again. To remember the little girl who used to build mud pies in the alley behind her house. The one who used to sit in the giant willow tree and sing to herself. The girl who would sit in the crab apple tree at the edge of the street and throw the berries at oncoming cars.

The girl who would sit in the window seat in the bedroom she shared with her little sister, and feel the Summer breeze across her face as she dreamt of being Cyd Charisse. The girl who would rock out to Styx, and Mr. Mister. Journey, Chicago and the Beastie Boys in her living room with her older sister while using an ironing board as her keyboard; Or sometimes a broom as her guitar and a carpet sweeper as her mic stand.

The girl who played little league. The painfully shy girl who danced and sang at every talent show she could, because being on stage felt like home.

The girl who once got in big trouble with Sister Marie because during a recess when it started to rain and everyone went inside to watch a movie, she was off in her own little world... dancing in it.

The brave girl who found the strength to sing at her Mother's funeral without falling to her knees.

I have found her again, and she is rather good company. She has reminded me that my soundtrack began in 2nd grade when I sang in front of an audience for the first time during First Communion, carried through a blur of scattered memories until I stood in front of an audience of 800+ people and sang Out Here on My Own- Irene Cara at my high school pre-graduation ceremony.

One of my favorite quotes EVER is... "If you enter this world knowing you are loved, and leave it knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with." ~Michael Jackson.

I alter that quote by adding ...."and there is a song for every moment."

Right now, I am thankful for the lessons I learned yesterday, happy to have this present, and hopeful for all my tomorrows, however many they may be.

My life has a soundtrack and right now the song playing is Tell Me What We're Gonna Do Now-Joss Stone.

What's playing on yours?

Living Life to it's Fullest....

My intention was to blog last night since it's been a while, but it was a wonderfully full day and I was beyond tired. Still am quite frankly. It is a curse. Moving on.

I was thinking about the phrase "Live your life to the fullest" yesterday and rolled it around in my head like a marble. Which is ironic since I thought I had lost them all. That phrase could mean many things to different people. Here's what I figured out it means to me.

To take *each* day and fill it with as many things that bring you joy. Right now, my job does not bring me joy, but the people I work with do, and I am working to change jobs soon! (Job interview on Sunday morning. Wish me luck!) Anything I can get my hands on creatively brings me joy and when I am inspired to create I am beyond happy. Dance brings me joy. Singing brings me joy. I breathe IN music and breathe OUT dance.

My children bring me joy. Every day I learn from them. They not only teach me how to be a better Mom but to never let go of my inner child. I'm not sure that's possible anyway given that it took me years to find her again and now that she's awake she's not getting snuffed out ever again.

Spending time with my bestie brings me immense joy. There is laughter and light and the time spent with her fills my heart and fuels my spirit.

Twitter, for the most part, brings me joy. I learn a lot about people there. My timeline is 95% drama free and that makes it a pleasant place to be. I am who I say I am. Period.

(Note: Dear Future Boyfriend, don't expect me to give up Twitter. Not happening. I need witnesses to my life. I need people to know I was here....that I lived, I loved. So if you love me, you'll have to accept that part of me. Love, your future girlfriend.)

A perfect example to me of living life to the fullest was yesterday. I woke up, well, twice. Once REALLY early *slow wide smile* and then again around 8am. Showered, dressed, packed up my laptop and headed for my bestie's house, stopping for coffee on the way. We spent the day in what we refer to as "Storytime". See she's a brilliant writer and is currently working on Book 2 (First book is finished and she will write her queries soon) and anytime she has reworked or written something new she reads it to me. I absolutely LOVE being read to. What kid doesn't?

We laughed, we ate lunch we bounced ideas around as to where to take the storyline. While there I got a phone call from the place I had submitted my resume just a few days ago and set up an interview for Sunday. I then went home quite happy with the day, kissed my kids, changed and headed to the studio to teach my Adult Tap class. Afterwards, I ran to the grocery store to get the things I needed to make dinner. Got home, unloaded groceries, began preparing dinner while listening to my daughters power point presentation. Got dinner into the oven and finally had a chance to take my shoes off and get out of my dance gear.

With dinner ready, I sat down and watched the last half of the Celtics game while I ate. Then, I tucked my kids into bed, grabbed my nightly cup of hot tea and crawled into bed with a good book.

While I didn't win the lottery or find a cure for cancer or walk down the red carpet at a movie premier-don't worry I'll get there ;) - I *did* fill my day with the things that bring me joy. I try very hard to do that EVERY day. Some days it's a challenge but for the most part, I do not shy away from LIFE. Every aspect of it. Good, bad, heartbreaking, heart mending. ALL of it. We are put here for a reason and although it may sound silly, we MUST learn to pay attention to the small things. The little parts of our days. A smile, a laugh, a misstep, falling flat on our asses. The hugs, the tears, the frustrations. Every ounce of it. Because one day, we will realize that it is in the little things that make our lives full.

Cream Cheese Cupcakes....

A departure from my normal blogs, a request has been made for my Cream Cheese Cupcake recipe with Cream Cheese frosting. The scent of the Red Velvet Cupcake candle my bestie gave me for Christmas had me wanting cupcakes. So.....I made some.

Enjoy!


Cream Cheese Cupcakes

• 1/2 cup butter
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 8oz block of cream cheese
• 2 eggs
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 1 3/4 cups flour
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/2 cup half and half

Cream the butter and sugar. Add block of cream cheese and beat until light and fluffy. Add the eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. Mix in the vanilla. Sift together the flour, salt, and baking powder. Add to the first mixture. Alternating with the milk. Fill well-greased muffin pans or paper baking cups 1/3 full. Bake in a 350 degree oven for about 25 minutes. Makes about 2 dozen

Frosting:

• 2 (8 ounce) packages cream cheese, softened
• 1/2 cup butter, softened
• 2 cups sifted confectioners sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

In a medium bowl, cream together the cream cheese and butter until creamy. Mix in the vanilla, then gradually stir in the confectioners' sugar. Store in the refrigerator after use.