Do you ever wonder how people see you? I don't mean see as in the physical sense....although that too. What I mean is how they perceive you as someone in their lives. I try to tell those who are close to me as often as I can the impact they have on me on a daily basis. I think we all need validation on occassion. I think it would be foolish of us to say otherwise.
If it were not the case then the entertainment industry as a whole would cease to exist. I don't think that personal validation is any different than a boss or a teacher praising you for a job well done. It matters. It's not the end all be all by any means, but it matters. I never worry about this with my kids. I am constantly telling them how proud I am of them, how inspired I am by them and they in turn tell me they think I'm the coolest Mom on the planet. Who am I to argue? ;p
I am not a taker. Although the illusion is that the takers of this world are the ones who get everything. The reality of course is that they are the lonely ones. At the end of the day when you have alienated everyone and taken from those around you and given nothing back, what is that you actually have other than a bunch of shit you can't take with you and no one to share it with because you've pissed all over everyone to get to wherever it is you think you are entitled to be?
*pause* My apologies for that little rant. I *may* have gotten side tracked.
Where was I? Oh yes, tonight I filled out my audition application for the voice. Otherwise known as "My Life's Memoirs". Crikey that thing was a book. I always hate answering questions where you have to brag about yourself. I don't do that shit. It makes me uncomfortable and seems arrogant. I just don't like to do it. So when the question, "How would your friends describe your personality?" came up, I automatically asked Mel. Here's what she said....
"Your personality is one that's fun-spirited, positive, motivated and enthusiastic.....On a personal level, you're the biggest champion I've ever known. I can rely on you for anything. ANYTHING. No questions. No hesitation. You're game for any ridiculous suggestion I may make.
Your voice is as pure and real as your heart and soul. If friends could be soul mates, you'd be mine. #truth"
Bitch made me cry. Whooooorrrrre.
She is one of the biggest reasons I feel confident enough to do this. No one cheers me on louder than Mel. No one. There is one other that makes me *feel* like he's cheering me on, when in actuality he's just cheering the general population of earth on. It's totally fine. I'll just keep pretending it's for me. It makes me happy. Don't fuck with my dream people. lol One day I *will* find that champion. My heart knows him.
This.... http://mellysramblings.blogspot.com/2011/08/what-she-deserves.html
This whole decision to audition is a big one for me. HUGE. GIANORMOUS! Ok, you get the point. It helps that my kids are behind me, and my rents. It also helps that if I were to make it on the show and get past the judges cutting me, that there might actually be a few people that would vote for me....that I didn't have to bribe.
Sometimes, I am the person who, when someone tells me I can't, I say, "Oh yeah? Watch me!" Other times, I'm the person that says, "I don't have a snowballs chance in hell at this. Who the hell do I think I am?" In this moment, I am that person. The application is filled out, I have to re record the video tomorrow morning and then I will send it off before I go to work in the afternoon. Then, as it floats through the air like a Wonka Bar...it takes with it my comfort zone.
The only failure that can come of this, is if I don't make it on, and I don't try again. If I stop there? Then THAT is my failure. I am only limited if I don't try. Scary. This whole living your life out loud shit. Cripes.
And now I have Who's That Guy from Grease 2 in my head, except I'm changing the lyrics to Who's That Girl.
*pause* GREASE BACON! Awww why didn't I think of that sooner?! Balls. (Only some of you will know what that means. lol)
It's late. PEACE OUT PIMP NUTS!
You've most frequently been the "I don't have a snowball's chance in hell" girl. With most things. Not everything, but most things. And that is not your fault. We know where the fault lies *side eye* and it's NOT with you.
ReplyDeleteBut those days are done.
Now? You're on to marquees and spotlights, darlin! And I'll be there to continue cheering you on because you're right...nobody believes in you as much as I do -- which, now that I think about it, is a huge fucking shame. Lemme work on changing that. You? You work on getting on the show. The rest? Graby.