The following blog is brought to you by Wasian Productions....
I've decided that if I ever start a production company, that's what I'm naming it. I warned my Twitter followers that tonight's blog will be mildly politically incorrect. So I shall put the disclaimer in here as well.
So our friend Kimmi is in town from Denver this weekend. Tonight was girls night out. The four of us that went have not been in the same room all together for 20 years. CRAZY! We started out our evening with a lovely dinner at a restaurant in Ames called Hickory Park. Then followed it by going to this lovely little coffee shop to sit and just chat. Maybe drink a little tea, or coffee, or if you were me...a Blue Note Lemonade. Yum!
Anyway the conversation went through various things until our friend Jen mentioned being stuck in downtown Chicago in the middle of Puerto Rican Pride fest. Then, well, then things just went downhill from there. Long story short, somewhere in this conversation (too long of a story to tell you *how* this came up) I came up with the idea for a new musical. We would call it West Side Queso. The premise would be based off of West Side Story, but the rivalry would be between Taco Johns and Taco Bell.
Me: So the weapon of choice for Taco John's.......we could have them fill up cholos with potato ole's and they could wield them like a club. Just thwap people over the head with a sock full of ole's. And well, for Taco Bell? Churro shanks.
Jen: We'd need a narrator........George Lopez!
Mel: And you know he'd do it too! And....for the Taco Bell side..... John Leguizamo!
Me: Yes!
Mel *starts singing* There's a place for us....
Me *joins in* On 86th and Grand....a special place for us...where we can have a chalupa in each hand...
I have the whole thing choreographed.
Me: Rogers and Hammerstein ain't got nothin on you.
Me: Word. If that doesn't scream Tony win I don't know what does. We'll need costumes.
Mel: Todd!
Kimmi: I can hear it now...'You want me to do what?!' ....'Oh you know just design something for us. think something with lettuce as fringe coming out of it.'
All: *explodes in laughter*
Mel: And we'll play 4 whole cities!
Me: In Europe!
Mel: Well, we gotta play the U.S. first. You know....College Station, TX......Wheeling, VA......Butte Montana.......................and.....................Duluth.
All: *another explosion of laughter*
Jen: I don't think they'll get the whole Mexican rivalry thing in Duluth.....we need to explain it to them. Perhaps if we just explain it in football terms in the program. Like instead of Jets (Taco Johns) and Sharks (Taco Bell) we make it like the Vikings vs The Packers.
Me: 'I don't know June, I don't understand what's happenin...wait....there's the five step drop and the mexican releases the Ole and it goes sailing through the air into the hands of the other mexican....Is that supposed to be Donald Driver?'
Jen: *laughing* YES! Exactly! I think that will definitley help them. And well, we wouldn't need to change anything for TX cuuuuzzz....
All: *laughing*
Mel: What about Salt Lake City? We gotta play Utah.
Kimmi: Yeah, instead of Taco Bell vs Taco Johns, it could be Mormans vs. the Amish
Me: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! We're goin to hell.
Jen: Or to jail.
Me: That's a whole different musical right there.....and I got that shit choreographed too! The four of us behind bars? Hilarity! THEN we tour Europe.
Kimmi: Speaking of Europe, my friend Adam got stopped by boarder patrol for smuggling meat.
All: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! What?!
Kimmi: Yeah, which is really funny considering the Cuban cigars and stuff his friend had on him and he gets stopped for a hoagie.
Mel: My question is, if you eat a hoagie and THEN cross the border are you still considered smuggling an illegal substance.
All: *crickets*
Me: I can't believe I'm actually gonna answer this question. LMAO! But...I'm gonna say no. Because you're not exactly gonna be attempting to sell what you've consumed after it has been digested.
All: *back to laughing*
Jen: So then, after we have won our Tony...
Me: I'm already on the screenplay.
Mel: We need Nathan Lane involved somehow....and Neal Patrick Harris!
Me: How did we even get started on this?
Mel: Because we were talking about the Latinos in the Jeeps and them being like a flock of angry pigeons and throwing potato ole's....
Me: Ahh yes, I think we should make it more like a concert. Instead of confetti shooting out of cannons have...
Mel: OLE'S!!! And Cheese Sauce out of the other one.
Me: LMFAO! Could you imagine getting pelted in the eye with an ole? And the cheese sauce....you'd be finding that in places cheese sauce should never be.
Mel: We could get Donnie involved and change the name to Six Pack and a Pound.....LIVE!
Me: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! *deep breath* BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Lord help us all.......and that was the SHORT story. Cause this convo went on for a lot longer than this. LMAO!
There you have it folks....tonight a new musical......and movie....and Live Concert....was born from the minds of Three White Chicks and a Waisian.
Coming soon to a podunk town near you.
P.s.- Dear Baby Jesus (Hay Suce) Just tell me how many Hail Mary's will get me outta this mess so I can start my penance now.
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