Today was a very lazy day for me. And one I apparently needed because I actually took a nap for about two hours this morning. There's a reason why I'm lethargic, but we won't go into that here. It'll pass. It coincides with the migraines I get for a few days every month. I'll wait while you let that process.
*Cue Jeopardy theme song*
Next week I have Wednesday and Thursday off. Had it been next weekend I'd be tempted to haul my butt to Virginia Beach. I wouldn't have gone, but I'd be *really* frakkin tempted to. *sigh* Moving on...
Now that the hurdle of getting my video submission sent ( it arrived in Cali right on schedule ) I am now looking forward to choreographing this dance team on Saturday. Nervous that they don't know how to do hip hop though they requested "no white girl" hip hop. I laughed when the coach told me that and I assured her that wouldn't be a problem. I told her as long as they don't expect a booty pop or the Dougie to be in their routine, we'll be fine. I know *how* to do both but I'm a bit more traditional with some things.
I'm an Old School soul and like a lot of my choreo to incorporate that style. We can move forward and reinvent things but we must also show respect to all who have come before us. We would not be here as artists without them. I whole heartedly believe this.
I miss my dancers in the Twin Cities. A LOT. I miss the smell of a wood floor and the sound my tap shoes make in an empty studio room. I miss the mirrors and the sound system and the moments where I was at some of my creative best. The moments when I'm working a piece with a dancer and all of a sudden it clicks with them and they finally 'get' it. I miss the production of a recital and all the work that goes into it. I miss the production of The Nutcracker and all that goes into that.
I miss teaching.
I know I am exactly where I'm meant to be in this exact moment but It doesn't exactly coincide with where I *want* to be. lol All in time. This I know. If it is meant to be, it is not meant to be rushed. It will have it's own course. I have to trust that. I'm finding that it is easier to do than it once was.
Too long I spent questioning my very existence and why....why.....why??? Every step forward was thwarted with a giant shove backwards. I'm easing into this new me....which really isn't a 'new' me but more of a rediscovering of me. I'm so much happier than I have been in a long time.
Yes there are set backs some days, but we all have them. But looking at the big picture, the future looks a thousand times better than the past, so I'm gonna keep goin in *that* direction.
Donnie posed a question earlier tonight...I guess technically it would be yesterday but whatever. lol
"In my next life I wanna be.....what?"
No hesitation at *all* when I answered....Me. Maybe a little less afraid.
I then followed that with.....That being said, I'd like to keep working on the life I have NOW.
I say this often, but it's really just a reminder.....
I am, as are you, a work in progress...........it's a good thing I've NEVER been afraid to work. My first job, was as a waitress in a Chinese restaurant called The Rice Bowl. I was 13 going on 14. My grandparents knew the owner and talked him into giving me a job. The restaurant only had 15 tables and I worked for cash so he never had to report anything. Plus I looked like I could be his kid. I would get my tips, walk home from work, and stop at Walgreens and buy makeup and candy. lol I have been working my ass off ever since.
I might be afraid of some things, but working hard has NEVER been one of them. Working on myself falls into that category. Something tells me, in the end....the payoff is gonna be more than worth it. Finding myself in the sanctity of patience indeed.... and for that I am thankful. :)
:)
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