Funny= Sexy

I never had a date to the Prom. I always went with a few friends. We didn't go to dinner before hand, and well, I didn't get that special dance with that special someone. I told you, I was a misfit. The one time I get up the nerve to ask the Captain of the football team and he turns me down because he was gonna take his girlfriend. Which was confusing, because at the time I thought they had broken up. Apparently they got back together to go to Prom. OY! Story of my life.

Instead, I went with my friend Jess, or Mooch, as she was known back then. If you recall she is the one who I went to visit on my second trip to Boston. She was a Danny girl. I still remember how she used to wear the hats that Danny wore back in the day. Classic. Anyway, she wore a mustard colored suit and I wore this Cinderella looking gown. Complete with lace ribbons tied in my hair. I do believe gold lame was involved.  If I find the picture, I'll post it. I know it's around here somewhere. That dress was a big darn deal, because I think we found it on a rack with really expensive dresses and I ended up getting it for $25. Discontinued something rather. But no corsage or flowers or anything, just me and Jess, and the rumormill as to why she was wearing a suit. As if it were a crime.

Good Lord my love life was depressing even back then! LOL

There was a discussion between an old friend and myself, not that long ago about what I find attractive in a guy. What physicalities draw me in before I get a chance to get to know them. My answer? In this order... I notice a guy's smile first. If he has jacked up teeth, it's over before it begins. I have a thing about teeth. lol Followed in *close* second by his eyes, and the third thing I notice about a guy, is his hands. And no it has nothing to do with the size. I can't explain it. It's more like the character of them.

Then I'll notice how he dresses. I love a well dressed man. Followed by how he smells. This is gonna sound funny, but it's the God's honest truth. Cologne gives me a headache. It used to drive me crazy when my ex and I would be out shopping and he'd want a new cologne. I NEVER liked what he wore. He preferred clean scents like Eternity, and...... awwww hell I can't remember now. I would always ask him to get something sweet. I like sweet smelling guys. Isn't the point of wearing cologne to attract females? Nope. It was more important that *he* liked then scent. Well the scent gave me migraines. Should've paid attention to *that* sign. Cripes. Here's the thing, I want to be close to a guy in order to drink him in, not be knocked out by his cologne before he even walks into a room.

I VERY rarely wear perfume, for the same reason. It gives me a headache. I love the scent of my shower gel, and I wear scented lotion, but that's about it. The scarce times I choose to wear perfume, it's Intuition by Este Lauder. If I'm gonna wear perfume, that's my favorite. How did I get on this topic anyway? Oh right, the physicalities of a man that I notice right away. Height plays a factor too, although I'm not *that* picky. I'm pretty tall so I'd like him to not be shorter than me. I also notice how a guy walks. Not attracted to guys who walk on the balls of their feet, or who have a natural turnout. Weird, I know. Posture is a big thing for me too. Can't help it. Being a dancer and all I tend to not like guys who slouch. It's amazing to see a man's confidence in the way he carries himself. It's a turnon.

Keep in mind I notice all of these things in a guy within the first 45 seconds of looking at him. I don't think it's much different when a guy checks a girl out. Could be wrong. Wouldn't be the first time. lol

If after all is said and done and all those things are present, and you get past all the usual things in common .....well.......then the dude has to make me laugh. A shared sense of humor is a deal breaker.

Funny= sexy.

Pigeons-1 Cholos-0....

So the part timer who closed with me tonight had on cholo socks. *raising eyebrow* I frakkin hate cholos. In fact I would take pigeons over cholos, and we all know how I feel about pigeons. For those who don't, here's why.

During our lovely trip to Chi for Rock the Block 2, Mel and I decide to eat downtown at Johnny Rockets. We grab our food and sit outside in this little courtyard in the middle of the street. Well, Mel sees a pigeon. She decides to feed the pigeon. Pretty soon there are a few more pigeons that have flown in to see what's what. Then Mel falls in love with one of the pigeons. Even goes so far as to name this pigeon. She named it Millie. Then the pigeons fly away and Mel is sad. Sensing her sadness, Millie comes back. Thinking this is a sign, Mel decides she wants to take one home. So we're sitting there, in downtown Chicago actually discussing how to get this rat with wings home. "But she's prancing for me!" Mel says.

I am less than thrilled

I, at this point in the conversation, have dubbed Mel "The Bird Lady" as I tell her the only way that thing is coming home with us is if we strap it to the roof. She didn't think that was very nice. I thought it was *very* nice, seein as how I'd like to stay in relatively good health. We then look across the street and perched on a sign were, what I like to refer to as, a 'gang' of pigeons. They did not look happy.

Meanwhile, back at the Batcave, Bird Lady seems to think that lil ol' Millie is lonely so she starts to feed her...him....it....whatever. I protest, "I don't think that's a good idea" Mel says, "Why? What's the harm? It's just a couple of..." She throws the food and the 'gang' decends upon us like a scene from Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds. Mel's laughing and STILL FRAKKIN TOSSING THEM FOOD!

Ever since then there's this running joke that the pigeons are out to get me. Perhaps to peck my eyes out, or perhaps to try and seduce me into taking them home with me. And they FIND me! I don't know how but every trip Mel and I have been on since, there's a picture of me in close proximity to a frakkin pigeon! I'm on to your wily ways pigeons of the world.

I'm working on putting together a trip to Italy for BH's. It's going to be an eating/cooking tour. I wanna make this thing EPIC! Get as many BH's to travel to Italy as a group. How much FUN would that be to go to different places in Italy and cook and eat and laugh and love? You watch....those frakkin things will find me *there* too!

I gots mah burger from Johnny Rockets

And I got Millie. *blank stare*

NYC in January of 2011

"Mel, why are you taking my picture as I'm tweeting? Wait. There's a frakkin pigeon isn't there?!"

 (Mel's giggling) "Maybe." She says.

Really?! Effin really?! South Beach?! Frakkin pigeons followed me to Miami!

(Mel's rollng with laughter) "Yup" she says.

It's conspiracy I tell ya. It's like when someone who doesn't like cats and is around cats, the cats naturally go to the person that hates cats in an effort to try and get them pet them and love them. I'm sorry but I don't foresee a love affair with pigeons anytime soon. 

ANYWAY....back to cholos. I don't like cholos, because they make Wahlberg look like a little old man with a circulation issue. 

But I'd still take the frakkin pigeons over the cholos.





Tutus and toe shoes...

After the day I had yesterday it was nice to have a day with less stress. Not 'no stress'. Just less. Spent the morning and part of the afternoon with my kids, before Handsome went to his dad's and Rabbit went across the street to a friend's house for the night.

Me? I spent a while getting lost in a couple of movies and a little while researching music. I watched Serendipity. I love that movie because the female lead, played by Kate Beckinsale, and I share a similar view. I believe that everything happens for a reason. EVERYTHING. I believe that while we have the freedom to choose and make decisions, there are in fact various signs in our lives that guide us on our way.

I believe that Mel and I are friends because of this very reason. We met because both our Mother's died and we were both misfits. (See: http://melaniehenryonline.com/component/content/article/1-main-blog/87-what-she-deserves.html ) She is an empath. She doesn't advertise this, but she is. So my belief in sign doesn't really phase her. lol On our 52 block walk on the streets of NYC were filled with them, each one pointing me in the right direction. She knows what those signs were, and they were right. :)

The music I was researching is for a piece I was hired to choreograph and teach for another H.S. dance team. Having issues picking out the right song, but I'll find it. I don't have to teach until the 27th of August, so there's no need to rush into anything just to get it done. I don't work that way. I'm a perfectionist. But only when it comes to my work. I just want it to be perfect to *me*. I don't do anything half assed.

Choreographing for a dance team is much different than choreographing a 'performance' piece. There are certain rules I have to follow for a dance team piece based on what competition they're participating in. If they're allowed to do any acro, the use and placement of props, how long the piece can be, lines, spacing, sharpness and precision of movement, etc...

A 'performance' piece has no limits. I like to work on both for various reasons. I like to choreograph for dance teams because I like the discipline it instills in dancers. I like to choreograph 'performance' pieces and combos for workshops because I like when I have free creative reign. I feel my best work comes out when I'm allowed the freedom to create.  I'm a bit of a rule breaker about certain things.

One of my favorite things to choreograph and kind of what I'm known for is choreographing a Classical Ballet piece to non traditional Classical Ballet music. A few of my favorite pieces I've done are to the songs Money Makes the World Go Round, Show Me the Money, and Love Lockdown. Each dancer in tutus, toes shoes and all.  I am grounded in Ballet but the Hip Hop dancer in me doesn't always like classical music. So I like to meld the two worlds. In order to do that though, you have to feel the music in a way most people can't even hear. It's fun to listen to a song and pull out the strings while everyone else pays attention to the drums, and the bass. It's even more fun when you can pick out all the instruments at different moments in the song.

Think toe shoes and tutus and then listen to this song with my ears. :)  http://youtu.be/wTMbkYW2Uno


P.s.- Channing Tatum? Wooooosaaaahhhhh. Proof that there are fine men who know how to dance. #justsayin

Zen...

There are some days when I go about my business. I get up, get my coffee, tell my kids good morning, if they're awake, go to my desk, check emails and twitter. Get in the shower and go to work. If I don't work until the afternoon I do similar things, but run any errands I need to, maybe take the kids to breakfast, or dance around the house with my daughter.

Then there are days when I get up and start out doing that, then all of a sudden I get slapped in the face by the realization that I was married to a bully whose only goal in life, it would appear, is to make my life infinitely hard. It's like running at a leisurely pace then unknowingly slamming into a set of tackling sled dummies, only the dude standing on the sled is a big fat doodoo head and you can't shake him off the damn thing no matter how hard you push it across the field.

I spent a ridiculously stupid amount of time wasted on pretending to be someone I was not. Believing that I was not worth the dreams I had. Believing that in order to be loved I had to make sure I was what he wanted me to be. Let me ask you this. Do I *look* like I shop at Eddie Bauer?! How about Columbia or Timberland? Does anything about me scream, "Hey, I'd like to wear a pair of Teva hiking sandals today?"

No.

And yet for some reason this man I was married to seemed to think I did. If you have never been in an emotionally abusive relationship then you will not understand. At all. You will not be able to comprehend the level of fear. Abuse comes in all forms and it's not just physical. I swore that I would never let any man lay a hand on me after what happened to my Mother.

I almost made it.

I met a guy when I was 19 yrs old. He was 27. After my "Pro Athlete" dating fiasco (Oy! There's a story for another time and place) and before my ex husband. Anyway, this guy and I started dating. He had this great house out in the country and looking back I'm sure part of me was 'playing house'. I was too young to really know...well...anything. lol I used to have long naturally curly hair. It came down to my waist. Long story short, one moment I was jogging up the stairs and the next he was coming up the stairs behind me, grabbing a handful of my hair, yanking me backwards and dragging me back down. The pain in my head and back were... *heavy sigh*. He had asked me a question and apparently the answer I gave was the 'wrong' one. Now, this is where you might say to yourself, "Why the hell wouldn't you have just fought back?" Number one, he had leverage, momentum and distance. And two....he had a gun. Did I mention he was a cop and was just getting off duty? Still in uniform, gun in holster.

Was I smart enough to leave him? Nope.

Words. He was always good with words. I did leave him not too much longer after that though, when I walked into the house on his birthday to find him standing in the kitchen enjoying a glass of wine with some woman I had kinda recognized. She was a nurse who worked in a hospital that he sometimes went to if necessary to take statements from victims who’d been taken there. The prick had the nerve to introduce me! I stood there in silence looked from him to her and back, walked slowly over to her and dropped my house key into her glass of wine. I said, "He's all yours." Turned and walked out. Done.

The man I married never laid a hand on me, so I guess I thought I had it made. SMH

His tactic was mental and emotional abuse. Control through fear. I will not get into nor bore you with details of how he achieved this. Just remember that phrase. Control through fear. He is still trying to use this tactic even now, a year after the divorce. The only communication that I’m legally required to have with him is about the kids - their immediate safety and visitation. That's it. Unfortunately, he’s under the impression that because I’m the mother to his children, I’m still required to report to him about what I do, think and feel, where I go and when I’m not going to be home. (Clearly, he doesn’t understand what his signature on the divorce decree really means.) It would be grand if I never saw him again, but there will always be school functions where the kids are concerned. I digress.

Instead of live-and-let-live, however, I’ve gotten two random harassing texts from him in the last two days that have nothing to do with either the immediate safety of my children nor about visitation. They were instead filled with hatred and insults - typical. I was so upset after the one this morning I was shaking. I do not have to tell you the level of pissed Mel was/is at him.

Then tonight at work we're closing up, the crew I had closing with me, and myself were dancing and singing and having a great time. First we took it to Church with a little Kirk Franklin then we smoothed it out with Ne-Yo. I needed that. I went into the back room to grab my phone and check to see if my kids had texted needing anything. Nope. What I found instead was a hate text from my ex’s best friend whom I haven't even spoken to since last year (the last time he harassed me via text). WTF?!!!

This is my life.

I'm just trying to live. Trying to provide and be a good Mom. Trying to make something of myself. The thing I don’t understand is what the hell my ex wants from me. He bitched when I worked three jobs because I wasn’t there for the kids. He bitched when I didn’t work, claiming I used the kids child support for my own personal gain. Now that I’m working again, he’s bitching again, claiming I’m neglecting my kids. Where does it end? It doesn’t. This is who he is. This is what I’ve dealt with for over fifteen years – nothing I do is good enough for him. Not even now, when legally and technically, it’s not his business what I do. He’s moved on, supposedly. He’s living with a woman now that he’s been seeing since shortly after our separation last summer. One would think that I should be a blip on his radar, not his primary focus. Is his life so empty that making mine hell is his main priority? If that’s the case, I pity his girlfriend.

As it is, he stalks me in Twitter. That's fun. He doesn't actually have an account. He just likes to spy on my timeline. He even has someone who works with him spy on Mel's and reports back to him. Wanna know how I know? Because my kids told me. Wanna know why? Because we have a great relationship and they found it odd. Ya think?!

His hateful words and assumptions about my character are just proof to me that he has no clue about who I am. Even further proof that he never did. I don't lie. The things I say on Twitter and here, are not lies. They are me. They are MY thoughts, feelings and experiences. MINE. For over fifteen years, I tried to be someone I wasn't because when you live with someone who thinks you're never good enough, you'll stoop to whatever it takes to get his approval -- approval you'll never have. So if there was ever a lie, it was that I wasn’t really who he wanted me to be. That is a hard pill to swallow I'm sure and would probably explain quite a bit of why he still spends so much time thinking about me when he’s supposed to be in love with someone else.

What my ex thinks of me is irrelevant, but to think of the pain he's causing my kids because of his bitterness and anger over the divorce is what hurts. THEY are the victims here. I'm immune to his words after this long, but they're not. Their 12 and 10 year old hearts still want to believe their dad can do no wrong. Someday, they'll see on their own what kind of person he is and what kind of husband he was to me -- not because I tell them (I value their hearts more than that), but because a leopard can only hide his spots for so long. My kids are smart and they're tenderhearted and they. see. everything. They. Hear. EVERYTHING. It hurts me to think that they'll see what he's truly like, but all I can do is be loving and tell them about the good times we had once. I’ll be genuine with them, as I always have. But I will no longer be afraid. Fear doesn’t control my life anymore.

It's amazing what happens when you are no longer afraid to be yourself.

I ended my day, with a talk with my bestie, OK...more like my bestie getting increasingly agitated at the situation, but she knows. She knows what it was like for me. She knows what I've been through, so it stands to reason. When my head is heavy and my heart is weary, she's swingin like a champ for me til I can find my legs again. I got kisses and hugs from my kids.......and then crawled into bed to have the best sound in my ears, from the one voice that washes over me like warm bath water soothing away any words of hate that were thrown at me today. He may not have been talking directly to me, but it don't matter, the end result was the same. I had a moment of complete Zen. :)

P.s- Tonight's interview is my favorite interview EVER. For cereal.......ever. It just is.

Rock the Block....

Last October Mel and I went to Chicago for Rock the Block 2. (as noted in the post What Two Fights in Twenty Years Taught Me) Our girls Tracy and Dawn L flew in to join in the festivities and it was the first time I got to squeeze them in person. It was also the first time I got to squeeze our friend Tara. These girls are now a part of my world and I LOVE them fiercely.

I had a chance to connect with some amazing people that night! I got my "wings" so to speak and was enfolded into the amazing group known affectionately as The Supanesters. We had an AMAZING night on the dance floor. Killin it on the tables was...yup... our beloved DJ Cheapshot!  That was the night the guys all flew out to Donnie who was working on Season 1 of Blue Bloods. Season 2 has already begun shooting (CRAZY! I'm so excited and Proud!) and they're still on tour. How's he managing all that? The way only *that* man can. I have one word for him....Amazing. They  had a "meeting" so they couldn't be there but, we streamed live. Pretty sure the fellas were with us. Well one for sure anyway. ;)

This event was put in place to raise money for Susan G. Komen. This year there are 2 additional Rock the Block dates and cities added. Miami, LA and ChiTown. I believe the Susan G. Komen event will be in Miami. The other two charities have yet to be determined. Although I just suggested the PKD Foundation for Chicago's event. The search for living donors is never ending. This disease does not have a cure. They could use the recognition and the funding.

Mel and I won't be in Miami for this event. Mel hates Miami. And we most likely won't make it to L.A. either. Mel doesn't like L.A.. lol Although it has been decided that she hates Miami even more than L.A. which bodes well for me since I need to get my ass out there and into a class or two. Particularly Chuck Maldonado's class. Perhaps raid his pool while there as well. Yes, we were invited...as far as you and the police know....*side eye* ;P of course I would much rather raid someone elses pool. *raising eyebrow* I promise to get rid of those atrocious blue curtains in the kitchen. :)

Here are some of my favorite pics from that night....Enjoy! And if you're on Twitter, go to RocktheBlock3 and suggest PKD Foundation for a charity. My kidneys thank you. :)

Me and Tracy aka @TwistedMacSista

Me and Dawn L aka @Dashabbfan

@Mandacrow (Manda) @OUBad (Mel) @Dashabbfan (Dawn L),  Me, @SweaterMonkeyGal (Tara)

Me and Mel tandem tweeting. lol

Me and @Kdubtheblock I squeezed the shit outta him. Just ask him. P.s.- I want your hats. lol

SUPANESTERS!!!!

And we danced, and we danced, and we danced......and we're STILL dancin. :)

See you in Chicago for Rock the Block 3!!!!

So Much Betta...

The Fall after I moved back home from the Twin Cities I was asked to be on the judges panel for Iowa's Got Talent. It was there that I met Tanya Ogden. She owns Dance FX, a dance studio here in Des Moines. At the time she was VERY pregnant. We hit it off because neither one of us believes in studio competition. We both share the philosophy that as teachers we should be able to work as a whole. To bounce ideas off of each other and help each other. I'm not particularly fond of studios whose main focus is to drive their students into the ground by working them til their dead for a ribbon or a plaque that collects dust.

Don't get me wrong, I believe in healthy competition. Some of these studios take it way too far. Just watch the reality show Dance Moms. I've heard there are some pretty bad teachers on there. I have a thing about "Reality TV"so I haven't watched it. It's not that I think "Reality TV" is bad per say, but I just get so embarrassed for people sometimes. I feel bad for them you know? Anyway, Tanya and I had fun judging the competition that night and remained in contact.

Her studio is where I taught my Let's Go Higher routine. She danced as well as some of her students. It was an Intermediate Hip Hop routine that I wanted to be easy enough for BH's to do if they wanted. By no means was that piece "performance" level.

Let's Go Higher Intermediate Class (Tanya's in pink)

Today I get a random text from Tanya. She wanted my advice on something and asked a great question!

T: By any chance would you be available to judge my team auditions this Sun? I know it's late notice and understand if not. They are at noon and will last over an hour. Would love to have you!

Me: Let me check with work and get back to you. Can I let you know tomorrow?

T: Sure thing! Thanks! Quick ? About choreography. when you first began to choreograph or even still, did/do you check yourself on implementing specific choreography elements such as time, space, form (like AB, ABA)? I'm teaching a beginning class in creating choreo this summer and havin a lil trouble with them understanding elements.

Me: Hmmm. Kind of. For me, when I choreograph, it's always changing even as I teach it. What you envision can't always be carried out. I always leave room to change things that don't look or feel right. I have certain space elements in my head but they rarely stay the same. When I give a class on choreography techniques it's important to me to get across the fluidity of transitions. That, more than anything can make or break a piece for me. I think that helps with space and time as well.

T: So how do you explain transitioning to kids though? LOL Sorry, that's a big question for texting I suppose.

Me: No worries! Happy to help. I usually tell kids to think of it as creating a wave in water. The ripples flow one right into the other until it gently fades. OR...like connect the dots. Each movement connects to the other with no break in the lines until the picture is complete. Then I have them actually do a connect the dots worksheet to see what I mean.

T: Ooh great analogy!! Yay! I may try that tonight! There are are 7 girls in class, experience levels vary from beg to advanced. End result is them performing a self choreographed piece at our fair show. Have been trying to decide how to work that but you just helped me1 I may have each do their own combo and connect to each others. which would really cause them to think! Thank You!

Me: That would be cool! You're welcome! Anytime!

She then asked if I would come teach a Contemporary workshop and what I charge. Then asked if I would also be interested in guest teaching a Contemporary class this Fall. SO excited about this!! You don't even know! lol It was so good to "talk shop" with someone today. I don't get to do that very often and I miss it.

 For those who are wondering, this is what one of my performance/competition pieces look like depending on the job.  http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/video/video.php?v=1188088060634

And this is what one looks like during my process of teaching one:

Life is So Much Betta when I'm dancing. So, so, SO much betta. :)



Inspiration in it's Many Forms...

I am often asked, "What inspires you to do what you do?" I usually answer the question with a question. "Well, that depends on what 'do' you're referring to." They then often say, "Well, all of it."

When it comes to dance, I find inspiration in other dancers. Watching amazing dancers move, moves me. All forms of dance. Music flows through my veins like water and in turn inspires me to create movement that is just as fluid.  Not always fluid though. I LOVE a good drum beat. The second I hear it, I'm in my head tappin. Mel laughs when I do that, because I vocalize the rhythm I hear. When I teach a Hip Hop class, you most likely will not hear me teach with counts. I teach with sound effects. I teach everything else with counts though.

When it comes to life...well...I could go on for days. My children inspire me to try to see things simply. To question everything so we can learn. I believe we are all here to learn from each other. It's one of the main reasons I teach to begin with. To share what I have learned over the years. When one learns, one must then teach. We are all teachers of one kind or another.

My Mom inspires me to do the things that make me happy. She believes in me fiercely and has one of the BEST dispositions on the planet. She's always the one in my corner saying, "Why not? Do it!" It helps me to keep moving forward. To do my best to stay in the moment.

My bestie, Mel, inspires me to stay away from any sort of comfort zone. Her belief in me is unmatched.  Her humor and wit are a snarky force to be reckoned with. She has often said that I am the yin to her yang. That, my friends, is truth. She has been there for me during some of the darkest moments of my life and has come through the other side with me to help me shine my light. She recently said to me, " You shouldn't have to fight anymore. I have watched you fight for SO long. You deserve so much more!" No one knows my heart better than that woman and I thank God every day for her. 

Then there is the one who is pure of heart, off the charts generosity, never ending energy, smile that lights my world, eyes that go straight to my heart and a mind that I so supremely admire and respect. His passion, and zest for life, inspires me to rise every morning and try again. Is he perfect? Nope. He's just a dude. But his LOVE is perfect and I am thankful he is in my world.

Basically, I am inspired by anything creative I can get my hands on. I sing, I dance, I act, I draw, I cook, etc...I had a gal ask me the other day on Twitter after reading my bio, "Damn woman! Is there anything you can't do?" To which I replied.......... "Yup! I can't whistle." :)