Stronger Than the Tide...

I have come to the abrupt realization that I have not been myself as of late. My bestie is hurting and that hurts me. In reading her latest blog entry, I have been slapped back into a reality I normally live in.

In the last week alone I have allowed myself to be dragged into a world of drama that I am proud to stay away from. I have become selfish and have made people I love and who love me question my intentions and who I am. This is unacceptable to me. I have lost focus on the things that truly matter. And other people's drama is NOT it. I am NOT that person. I never have been. And it hurts my heart that I have hurt others in the process.

I am no one's voice. You have your own. I will help you find it if need be. Please don't DM me with ridiculous accusations and questions. I don't want to have to unfollow anyone. It's not my place to answer them. Nor was it my place to find the answer. I crossed a line that shouldn't have been crossed, I knew the second it left my hands I shouldn't have...but it was too late. I'm pretty self aware. I usually beat myself up after I do something stupid, but who doesn't? Oh, they exist. They don't care who they hurt. All they care about is their own agenda. That is NOT me. I allowed myself to buckle under pressure and get swept away with the tide. And in doing so have caused someone who is very important to me, to doubt me. I am not okay with this. It ISN'T me. I have not, do not, and will NEVER come from a place of hate. EVER.

For someone to think that is just as disrespectful as what I did to them.  I'm not anyone's keeper. That's not how I roll. We are all free spirits and as such we move in whatever direction the moment tells us too. I have learned the hard way to trust my heart. It is a work in progess. I'm getting better at it, but I will have setbacks. That's just the way it works. I didn't listen to my heart in this instance. That was a MAJOR setback. I'm back to baby steps.

I have pulled the energy around me down, again, I am not okay with that. Again, it's NOT me. I know that being out of work now that the school year is done is driving me crazy. I don't do well with idle. I know that not dancing is killing my soul. But how I handle these things is my choice. Sad, that I have not handled it well. I am in charge of me. Just as you are in charge of you.

I'm, by nature an introvert. I know some of you laugh at that, but I am. It takes A LOT for me to have the courage to speak. I get hurt easily. I am more shy and more sensitive than I let on. I am a people pleaser and the thought of someone being upset with me, quite frankly makes me want to throw up. Doesn't matter if I just met the person and will never see them again or if I love the person with every fiber of my being. At the same time, I know it's okay to make mistakes. We don't always make the best choices. We try to do our best, but some days it isn't good enough. All we can do is get back up, dust ourselves off and try again.

So, that's what I'm doing. I know who I am. I know I'm a good person. I know I come from a place of LOVE. ALWAYS.

I am stronger than the hype. I am stronger than the drama. I am stronger than the tide. Don't believe me? Watch.